The cesspool

There’s this thing my lady friend calls the “big lesbian cesspool.”

Let’s look at some facts. In the last three elections, the Voter News Service exit poll registered the gay vote between four and five percent. Apparently the Census 2000 under-counted (awesome! go equality!) the total number of gay or lesbian households and thus the total gay and lesbian population can be estimated at five percent of the total U.S. population over 18 years of age.

Now, let’s do some (very bad) math. I live in New York City. It’s estimated that there are 8.3 million other people living in and around me. Multiply that by five percent and you have 415,000 other folks that either are in a strictly homosexual relationship or would like to be. Now, the tricky part: what percentage of that number are women identifying as lesbians or bisexuals? Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just halve the number since the population is generally 50 percent male and 50 percent female? But I don’t think that’s scientifically correct.

When Kinsey did his famous sexy time studies, he found that somewhere between one and two percent of women were exclusively homosexual. We’ll take that with a grain of salt since it’s a bit outdated. Ultimately the number of LGB people in the U.S. (then and now) really is quite subjective and fluid. I’m not sure a number will ever be pinned down.

So for everyone who skipped my bad math and quick googling skills: in the grand scheme of things, there aren’t a ton of gay people around. Thus, it’s safe to assume there is some inter-dating between exes and friends. And that. Shit. Gets. Complicated. Have you ever seen the L word? Let’s do a quick rundown: Bette and Tina dated. Bette dated Alice. Alice dated Dana. Dana sort of hooked up with Jenny once. Jenny dated Shane. Shane made out with Helena. Helena dated Tina. It’s a big, lesbian cesspool of dating your best friend’s ex or your ex’s best friend.

Truthfully, I didn’t believe this when my lady friend told me about the cesspool she was minorly connected to in Brooklyn. Call me naive but originally I chalked this theory to being nothing more than that: a theory, a myth, like unicorns and the iPhone. But then Alexis rolled into town for my birthday and drowned me in that cesspool with one drunken text.

We were at a lovely dinner party. Alexis made guacamole that, despite it’s poopie color due to my inability to pick out ripe avocados, was absolutely delicious. My Italian side reared its head with some bruschetta and red wine. We had too much gin, too much wine, too much pulled chicken and a super heated game of catchprase. My friend invited coworkers and my lady friend’s ex girlfriend was in town for the weekend as well, so she joined the fun. Generally, my rule of thumb is to hate any ex of anyone I’m sleeping with. But this girl is downright awesome; acts just like a boy with me, generous with cigarettes and introduced me to the most drunkenly violent game of rock, paper, scissors ever.

The night was winding down. Lady friend and I were lying on the floor of her bedroom trying to digest our respective food babies and my phone starts to vibrate. I was a little shocked to see a text from Alexis waiting for me. She was maybe ten feet away from me in the other room. What did she want? Why couldn’t she come into the room and tell me herself?

Alexis: Uh oh. I have something to tell you.

Me: Okay?

Alexis: It’s bad.

Me: Um, okay. Tell me.

Alexis: No, I’ll tell you when we get home.

Now at this point, Alexis rolls into the room with another friend. I’m a little perplexed as to a) why she didn’t tell me in person; b) what’s so important and c) how she manages to text me while we’re in the same room without anyone noticing.

Me: Tell me now.

Alexis: I think one of your friends is really cool.

Let’s translate: “I think one of your friends is really cool” in Alexis speak means “I want to bone one of your friends.” But something was a little fishy. When Alexis is bombed, she makes no effort to hide who she wants to bone. She’d probably tattoo it right across her forehead if she could and I don’t blame her since she usually gets what she wants. Her secretive texts immediately made me think she had the hots for my lady friend or the ex.

Me: Oh. Christ. Lady friend or ex?

Alexis: What? Dude? Come on. I think the ex is really awesome.

BAM. I just outed Alexis. Alexis had the hots for a girl. Maybe it was the wine? Maybe it was seeing me all up on another girl? The world may never know.

I must give credit where’s its due. Alexis managed to single-handedly introduce me to the big lesbian cesspool with her mini crush on my girl’s ex girl all while keeping her pants on. And it’s a shame, because the ex totally would have hit that if Alexis had made the first move.

-Anastasia Beam

[Via http://shouldacalleditanight.wordpress.com]

..what's wanted?

Everyone knows you make time for the things that are important to you, well TYPICALLY people make time for what is important to them. Anyway one who is following along knows that a new person has begun to catch my interest. We’re calling her CraigsList, until I can come up with something better.

Up until yesterday, I didn’t know much about her outside of what she looked like, a couple of her interests, that she loves to read, a few of her goals and she has an excellent sense of humor. So, being the naturally curious person I am, it urked me that I couldn’t get a little deeper (I like to know a lot early on so I can exit IMMEDIATELY if not interested). Well, yesterday was that day.

As I had mentioned yesterday, I reached out to her (via email) not expecting to much in response, as she always declares she is super busy. Well, Miss CraigList shocked the shit out of me when she not only replied to my idle inquisitions, but went into further detail with them than I expected. To further this, she always was so generous as to share one of her favorite poetic pieces with me. NICE.

We got a little deeper into the getting to know each other process (well, I got deeper into getting to know her) and I learned quite a few interesting things.

CraigsList is a totally devoted, single mommy. She works hard, is pursuing her Masters’ degree and raises a mini me. She was lived with the father of her daughter for four years and they were engaged to be married. For reasons unbeknownst to me, the wedding was called off (by whom, I’m uncertain) and he moved out. My understanding is that he is a DAD, not just a father. He steps up full force and remains involved in MiniCraigsList’s (I couldn’t come up with a name for her yet) life.

I don’t like making snap decisions. I don’t like to judge. I like to have all the facts and process my thoughts before I open my mouth. So, I had a million and one questions after reading all of this, but I decided it best to let things come out on their own. HOWEVER, ya’ll know I had to ask the million dollar CLICHE question:

ARE YOU LESBIAN, BI, CURIOUS, OR SOME CATEGORY ALL YOUR OWN?

I hate to have asked that, because labels are absolutely horrendous, but I needed to know. MiniCraigsList is still a toddler, so not too long ago, she was an engaged woman. Her response of course, was not that simple, but I dig her answer.

We continued through the day shooting emails back and forth until finally, we both had to get moving in directions out of our offices. We both had class and welp, I didn’t expect to hear from her until today OR ANOTHER DAY, for that matter.

Before the conclusion of our conversation, I made it clear to her that despite all that, I was interested in getting to know her better and she stated the same.

Now, when people give me replies such as those, I immediately toss them out. I dont take them as being genuine. In my mind it registers as a “polite” response of sorts that you are tossing out because of what I said first. It’s just like when someone says, “Hi, how are you?” and another person replies, “Good, and you?” They typically not asking because they care to know, but because it’s:

A: a natural reply

B: a polite reply

C: just to have said something in return

SURPRISE.

I didn’t have to wait until today to hear from her. I didn’t have to wait a couple of days to her from her. Last night, at minutes to 11 last night (just before bootycall hour), guess who gets a call from CraigsList?! I did. This woman just throws me for a loop. She called me just before she went to sleep just to catch up on the rest of my day a little.

TWO POINTS.

Simple things like that are what make my whole day. Doesn’t take much to make me happy. That small stich of effort (just a few minutes on the phone) speaks volumes to me. And it made me think about something she had stuck into one of her earlier messages.

We had been discussing poetry and how she likes to write, but hasn’t been able to find the time to do so. She then said, “we do make time for the things that we want to right?!”

…..interesting.

WOW, guess who is calling me!!

……..update to follow.

[Via http://much2inspired.wordpress.com]

Settling in and Breaking Out! First Stop NC

Firstly a thousand pardons for my utter neglect of my blog. After taking a break over the holidays (and soaking up the Oaxaca sun) I moved to Selinsgrove, PA (Susquehanna University). Amazing how much energy and concentration goes into relocating. Besides all of the work to settle (unpack, set up an office space, make new friends, connect with friends I met over the past year here) I also took up in earnest once again to work on my memoir after a break during the fall tour. After two hours a day of writing, I felt I had nothing left for a blog.

Well, here I am back at the blog and ready to embark on the 2010 Winter/Spring Tour. I used to title my tours. Back in 2005 it was the Burning Bush Tour. What shall 2010 be I wonder. Will have to think about that.

I begin in North Carolina, Warren Wilson College exactly right outside of lovely and weird (they like being weird) Asheville, NC. From Feb 1-18 I will be their Activist in Residence doing a variety of performances, workshops, classes and community activism. Here is my schedule (Public events in bold–See Facebook page for more details) Leah McCullough, the school’s Spiritual Life Director, has organized most of these events in order to deepen various dialogues on campus and beyond. I am VERY excited about my time at the school.

Warren Wilson College Activist-in-Residence: February 1-18, 2010

Monday, February 1

• arrives in Asheville –  – Go to lunch

• 5:00 – 7:00 p.m. – Emmaus Group – Bibliodrama (Luke 7 story about the “bad woman giving Jesus a sexy foot massage)

Tuesday, February 2

• 11:00 a.m. – 12:20 p.m. – Class: Feminist Thought (Laura Vance)

• – Theater – Technical Run-through –

Wednesday, February 3

• 11:00 a.m. – 12:20 p.m. – Class: Gender and Social Change (Laura Vance) – Where we will discuss essential and constructed gender
  

  Scene from Transfigurations

• 7:30 p.m. – Performance – Transfigurations: Transgressing Gender in the Bible – Kittredge Theater

Thursday, February 4

• 6:30 p.m. – Quaker meeting –

Friday, Februay 5

• Spartanburg Regional Medical Center for diversity training/Queer issues with staff

Monday, February 8

• 5:00 – 7:00 p.m. – Emmaus Group – Integrating Faith with Sexuality –

Tuesday, February 9

• 7:30 – 9:30 p.m. – Homo No Mo?!? Orientation, Gender and the Ex-Gay Movement – Canon

Wednesday, February 10

• 4:00 – 5:30 p.m. – Work Crew Training (Peace and Justice, Spiritual Life, Empower, RISE, Queer Resource Center) – Slow Dancing with the Enemy: Effective Strategies for Engaging Your Opponent – Upper Fellowship

• 7:30- 8:40 – Class: Religion, Work and Service – Topic this night is “Honesty” – living into true self – integrated life – being who you are meant to be – finding your passion  – Jeanne Sommer –

Thursday, February 11

• 6:30 – 8:00 p.m. – Presentation – “This is What Love in Action Looks Like” or New Media or Storytelling as Activism – Not a set program yet

Friday, February 12

• 1:00 – 2:20 p.m. – Class: Creative Non-Fiction (Catherine Reid) – Jensen 206

Monday, February 15

• 5:00 – 6:30 p.m. – Emmaus – Integrating Faith and Sexuality (continuing the conversation) –

• 8:00 p.m. – Performance -  Doin’ Time with Peterson Toscano – Canon

Tuesday, February 16

• 7:00 – 9:00 p.m. – Queer Circle –

Wednesday, February 17 (Ash Wednesday)

• Goodbye Party

My bags are nearly all packed with a variety of scarves and wigs and Audre Lorde books and face creams. If you live in the Asheville area or know of folks who do, please spread the word!

[Via http://petersontoscano.wordpress.com]

Pleasing Your Lesbian - Giving Good Wife

     It’s no secret that my current girlfriend and I got off to a rocky start. In fact, it was the rockiest beginning I’ve ever encountered. In the past, the real drama didn’t start for at least a year or so into the relationship, after a proper honeymoon period of fabulous sex and cool dates. From this explanation, I bet you’re already worried about my future. After all, who fights that first couple of months? No worries, my friend. I’ve figured some things out.

     Here are a few of the things that I’m doing that seem to please her, in case you’re curious about such things. I have my suspicions, that these same strategies may work on all other types of humans too, but can’t be sure. Since making her happy, makes me happy, it’s all good. As angelic as this blog will make me sound, don’t be overly impressed. I do these things for selfish reasons; I want to be happy and live in peace.

     The first thing I do every day is the hardest for me and in my opinion qualifies me for sainthood. Even though I am self-employed and could sleep in until noon everyday if I wanted to, I am getting up with my wife at O ‘Dark Thirty in the morning (about 6:15am), and making her coffee, while she races around the house to get ready to be a teacher. I also feed the four dogs and find missing keys and do other chores to help my beloved get ready.

     She’s not a morning person. In fact, she is about as opposite of a morning person as I have encountered. Given that fact, it is amazing to me that she took this thankless job where you have to be at work by 7:50am every morning, with your lesson plans complete and your nerves prepared for the onslaught of High School kids. You understand why she appreciates my morning gesture now, don’t you.

     Another way I’ve found to give good wife is to keep my mouth shut more often. I’m prone to arguing as I love a good debate. Unfortunately, not everyone does. It seems that some people have learned how to disagree with no negative consequences. That would not be the two of us. I have learned to save my urge to debate for other people, preferably people I don’t sleep with. This is working out much better.

     By far, the biggest thing I have changed in the way I interact with my wife is that I have stopped trying to control what she does. In particular, she is interested in adoption. I was not, at first. Having a child is the single biggest thing she wants. We fought over this, and then I had a rational moment and realized that if I deprived her of this dream by saying, “NO,” then I was doomed. She would always see me as the one that took her dream away. With life as uncertain as it is, no one can say for sure what will happen. This fourteen year old girl may be a blessing to both of us. I actually like kids. They just scare me sometimes. So I am taking a chance I would normally not take myself, and supporting my sweetheart in her decision.

     I know what you’re thinking. You’re calling me names. PU_ _Y-WHIPPED is what you called me. You may be right. But in the scheme of things, aren’t we all suffering from that condition, as lesbians, I mean. So you go ahead and call me names, and I’ll smile all the way to the bedroom, where I’ll have mind-blowing sex because my wife is happy and as stress-free as I can help her be, at least for now, and until the adoption goes through. One day at a time, right. All we ever have is the day we’re currently living. That is my new way of looking at life. This new perspective seems to make sense for me. I’ll check back in with you if things change. You know I will. Blogs rule!

[Via http://lesbianwink.wordpress.com]

APAKAH HOMOSEKSUALITAS BERSIFAT BIOLOGIS?

Para kaum homoseksual sejak lama mengemukakan pendapat bahwa dirinya berbeda dengan masyarakat yang heteroseksual lainnya dalam hal orientasi seks.  Orientasi seks mereka muncul dari dalam dan bukan merupakan pilihan atau dibentuk dari lingkungan sosial.  Hal tersebut telah menjadi perdebatan dalam bidang sosial, sains, politik, bahkan agama.  Artikel kali ini menjadi jalan tengah dari perdebatan tersebut, yang mana telah diteliti bahwa homoseksualitas merupakan bagian dari fenomena biologis.

Seorang peneliti syaraf dari Salk Institute of San Diego bernama Simon LeVay menemukan bahwa bagian anterior hipotalamus (bagian yang mengontrol perilaku seksual) dari seorang homoseksual, memiliki bentuk yang lebih mirip dengan anterior hipotalamus milik wanita dibandingkan dengan yang dimiliki pria heteroseksual.  Hal tersebut dikemukakan dalam jurnal yang menjelaskan tentang perbedaan otak pada homoseksual dengan heteroseksual, yang kemudian diketahui perbedaan tersebut ditemukan pada bagian hipotalamus.  Hipotalamus sendiri merupakan bagian yang berfungsi sebagai sumber dorongan seksual.  Hal tersebut meningkatkan kemungkinan bahwa perbedaan tersebut bukan hanya berhubungan dengan homoseksualitas, tapi juga berperan sebagai penyebabnya.

Salah satu penafsiran (korelasi atau penyebabnya) menyarankan bahwa beberapa perbedaan biologis adalah akar dari homoseksualitas dan yaitu dugaan yang sangat potensial.  Homophobia dapat mengeksploitisir hasil dengan menentukan tempat kerusakan pada otak pada homoseksual, bahkan mereka dapat mendeteksi homoseksualitas pada bayi yang masih dalam kandungan.  Lainnya menginterpretasikan data tersebut sebagai bukti bahwa homoseksual merupakan variasi alamiah dari otak seperti tangan kidal.  Kemudian akan banyak gay akan membenarkan penemuan LeVays tersebut seperti apa yang telah mereka percayai.  Hal tersebut mulai menjawab Mengapa homoseksual muncul di hampir kebanyakan populasi manusia, walaupun budaya membatasi.  Sehingga diusulkan bahwa homoseksualitas merupakan fenomena biologis.

Penemuan tersebut berdampak besar pada dunia sains sebagaimana pada lingkungan sosial.  Perbedaan struktur hipotalamus antara pria dan wanita mungkin ditentukan tingkat hormonal saat dalam kandungan.  Beberapa perbedaan dapat berperan pada perilaku seksual pada pria dan wanita.

LeVay telah memerikas post-mortem dari otak manusia dan menemukan dua daerah, atau disebut nuclei.  Nuklei pada anterior hipotalamus pria berukuran dua kali dari yang dimiliki wanita.  Studi berlanjut pada pria homoseksual yang meninggal karena AIDS.  19 homoseksual menunjukkan satu bentuk dari nuclei (disebut INAH-3) berukuran lebih kecil dibandingkan pada pria heteroseksual.  Ukuran nuclei tersebut serupa dengan yang dimiliki oleh wanita.

Penelitian tersebut merujuk pula pada penelitian yang dilakukan oleh Gloria Hoffman, seorang ahli neuroendokrin dari University of Pittsburgh.  Eksperimennya menyebutkan bahwa monyet yang memiliki luka pada bagian anterior hipotalamus menunjukkan tanda-tanda penurunan pada aktivtas seksualnya (seperti mounting dan masturbasi).  Penelitiannya dijadikan rujukan sebagai pembanding terdekat dari manusia dalam hal pengaruh efek fisik terhadap orientasi seksual.

Semua objek penelitian LeVay adalah homoseksual yang meninggal akibat AIDS.  Pria homoseksual sangat berisiko terkena AIDS dibandingkan kaum lesbian.  Timbul perdebatan bahwa mengecilnya nuklei merupakan dampak yang muncul akibat AIDS dan bukan bentuk alami dari homoseksual.  Hal tersebut dibantah dengan dukungan dari seorang peneliti dari UCLA.  Peneliti tersebut menyatakan bahwa pria heteroseksual yang meninggal akibat AIDS, akibat kasus lain, memiliki INAH-3 nuklei yang lebih besar.

[Via http://biologicallytested.wordpress.com]

Gym Teacher Nabbed For Lesbian Sex w/14-Year-Old Student.

New shenanigans have come to light at James Madison High School, where two teachers were recently caught naked in a classroom and another was punished for getting too close to a student. The latest scandal involves Madison High gym teacher Lisa Gutilla, 37, who was arrested Friday for feeling up a 14-year-old girl, police sources said. The student attended private Poly Prep Country Day School, where Guttilla was a part-time volleyball coach. The abuse came to light when the teen’s mother started asking questions about a hickey on her neck – and she confessed to sexy sessions with Guttilla between Jan. 4 and 9.

A complaint filed in Brooklyn Criminal Court says the teacher did “touch, grab, squeeze and kiss the [girl] about the breast and buttock.”

Guttilla was charged with sexual abuse and child endangerment and sent to the “rubber room” – a reassignment center for teachers under investigation. “She is a teacher at Madison, and she has been reassigned,” said Education Department spokeswoman Margie Feinberg. The allegations against Guttilla are the latest to rock the Midwood high school where she worked.

In December, Madison foreign-language teachers Alini Brito and Cindy Mauro were found undressed in an empty classroom and sent to the rubber room.

Social studies teacher Allison Mussacchio is under investigation for having an inappropriate relationship with a male Madison student.

And a teacher has accused Assistant Principal Michael Edelman of sexual harassment.

-”The BklynBandette.” Mr. Hollywood’s Co-Defendant.

[Via http://heavenhollywood.wordpress.com]

Oral sex

Oral sex features in many of our fantasies, but for lots of people it’s still taboo.

Common fears Some people are reluctant to try oral sex, or even to suggest it, because they fear rejection. Disgust also plays a part, as lots of men and women are brought up to consider their genitals to be unsavoury.

Women might be convinced their partners will find their labia too big, too wrinkled or too hairy; men, that they’ll be laughed at for not being sufficiently big, upright or straight.

Both may be scared the other will object to the smell or the taste, and that they’ll feel vulnerable if they surrender themselves to being given pleasure by their partner.

But the truth is that many people would really like to offer to perform oral sex for their partner.

What makes oral sex so appealing? The fact that this form of pleasure is still seen by some as forbidden, and even a bit dirty, adds excitement. When your partner chooses to be in such intimate contact, it’s like being told that, far from being unattractive, you’re good enough and special enough to eat. It can feel like the ultimate expression of acceptance.

There’s something irresistible about being treated in this way. Even though you can do it to each other at the same time, it’s usually a case of one person lying back and having all their desires and needs attended to.

The mouth, lips and tongue have a dynamite combination of flexibility and softness that can’t help but please. You can kiss, lick, suck or nibble. Some people prefer gentle movements; others prefer firmer attention. It’s up to you to discover your particular preferences together.

Talk about it Discussing your concerns with your partner can really help. For example, if one person is happy to perform oral sex but refuses to receive it, the other might end up feeling guilty, because he’s unable to return the pleasure he experiences to his partner, as well as rejected and untrusted.

Of course, it could be that the first partner is afraid to let him see, taste, smell and touch her, and perhaps simply needs to hear in no uncertain terms, “I love your body. I’d give anything to taste you.”

Don’t cover up If you’d like to try oral sex with your partner, it’s only courteous to make sure you’re clean first. But don’t forget that the natural taste and smell of your body may well be what attracts them the most, so don’t cover up with perfumes or deodorant.

Many people are turned on by the sight, taste and smell of their partner’s most intimate parts. If it’s a new partner, it’s advisable to use a condom or dental dam (thin latex that lines the mouth) to screen secretions and prevent infection.

If you feel embarrassed Try it after a bath or shower. When you’re clean and fresh, you’ll feel more comfortable. Worried about the way you look? Dimming the lights and lighting candles can boost your confidence.

Names for oral sex .Oral sex is often known as a soixante neuf or sixty-nine, because of the shape two bodies make when lying mouth-to-genitals.

.When one person performs oral sex on another, this is sometimes called a ’sixty-eight’ (“You do me and I’ll owe you one”).

.Stimulation of the vagina with the mouth is called cunnilingus; stimulation of the penis with the mouth is called fellatio.

What not to do Although oral sex is known as a ‘blow job’, the one thing you should never do is blow into your partner’s body. You could cause an embolism (obstruction of an artery by an air bubble) or infection. But many people like their partner to blow gently on skin made damp by licking.

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[Via http://dirtytubehq.wordpress.com]