Tonight, my best friend and I started a fire in her fire pit in the backyard and decided to burn some things….we wrote fears, regrets, sorrows and…basically anything we wanted to let go of on paper and watched it burn. I also burned a box of love letters from a high school sweetheart that I’ve had for 8 years. Now…
Hate is a word that I was not raised not to use. When in the presence of my mother, I couldn’t even say I hated beans. It was a word that was erased from my vocabulary just as quick as it was added. And I hate to say it but there is one person in this universe that I can truly and honestly say I hate. It’s something that has always bothered me…so tonight. I wrote a letter to that person. Short and to the point. I ended it with “FUCK YOU” and I through it into the fire. Believe it or not…the second it was consumed in the blaze, I really felt a little bit lighter. I haven’t completely let it go. I mean, obviously it’s just not that easy…but I still feel better. Like I let a piece of it go. I feel like maybe if I write it and burn it over and over again, eventually…I CAN let it go completely. So that’s what I’m gonna do. Anytime the thoughts of this person come back to haunt me I’m just gonna pull out a piece of paper and burn it all over again. YAY! Kinda silly but HEY, whatever works. Eh?
My friend and I also discovered Garden of Eden Resort in Panama. We’re planning to go there! I’m excited. Nuff said.
Oh and today makes a month to the date that I met K. Feels like an eternity in this world. She’s been asking me when I was planning on asking her to be my girlfriend. I was planning on asking at midnight. She kinda ruined it when she didn’t show up to the place we were supposed to meet. She ended up hanging out with her friends instead. My feelings were kinda hurt at first because I was so excited. Now I’m over it. I’m sad to say that I’m used to disappointment. Maybe it’s a sign. Maybe a month isn’t long enough. I got an attitude with her when I found out she wasn’t coming and I hung up on her. Of course she was pissed about it…but if only she knew why I was so pissed. I didn’t bother telling her. It wouldn’t have made a difference. Not to mention we were supposed to be celebrating Valentine’s Day today since I’ll probably be out of town on the actual day. Yeah…we didn’t do anything together today. I’m not upset at the fact that she wants to spend time with her friends. ESPECIALLY since we were together ALL week. (and I usually don’t stay at her place unless she tells me she wants me to) It’s just that…well…this was planned. We actually discussed what day we were gonna celebrate. This was the day WE chose. So what happened? I guess she forgot…idk. I’m not even gonna mention it to her. I’ll try to just let it go although I’m sure I’ll be bitter about it for a bit. I just hate when someone tells me they are gonna do something and then they don’t. Blah blah blah. Now I have no idea when I’m gonna ask her to be my girlfriend. I didn’t have a plan B.
No comments:
Post a Comment