DBIH merchandise

(h/t @ahfdemocrat)

We at DBIH can only assume that our spike in traffic (and crazy commenters- see below) mean one thing: book deal. And don’t worry potential publishers, we are ready. Boy are we ready. In fact, we are so ready (!!!!) that we’ve already gotten some ideas together for merchandising DBIH. You don’t have to thank us, your money will be enough.

Firstly, the book. Clearly. It would help if it was scratch and sniff, but if it isn’t, I guess we can deal. In the book, we could include some of our favorite recipes as well as a map of our favorite locations in DC and around the world (including, but not limited to: Baked and Wired, any S$$ which serves PSLs, anywhere where Tall can buy more Burberry and Marc Jacobs, and the Circulator route that goes down K street). Obviously, this book would be a best-seller. It would clearly outsell Amy Tan and Dan Brown (fucking assholes) combined. At least when we make things up (I’m talking to you crazy-ass commenters), it’s funny.

Secondofly, some kind of visual media- preferably a major motion picture, but an HBO miniseries would do (those win a shit-ton of Emmys). Playing me would be Ginnifer Goodwin. I just adore her hair. Playing Work Chucks would obviously be Drew Barrymore, in her current crazy-ass jeans+hightops incarnation. Her look is phenomenal. Dirty Hippie would be Julia Stiles circa 10 Things and @ahfdemocrat thinks he’d be Seth Cohen. I’m not sure he’s funny enough. We’re still unclear if Tall will be played by Gisele Bunchen or a gazelle- I think it could probably go either way.

The extreme popularity of the movie/miniseries would prompt NBC/Universal (aka Jack Donaghy) into further merchandising deals with us. DBIH would be everywhere, including a themed restaurant, preferably somewhere totally awesome in DC/London. Chef Hooles could come up with the menu, which would be closely mirrored upon DBIH favorite restaurant Figs, but we would obviously add ice cream cake and mojitos.

The restaurant will be huge, because Chef Hooles is a great cook and we at DBIH love to eat. Yes we do.

I can just tell that people will really want to join the DBIH lifestyle. Who wouldn’t? It’s fucking amazing. We’d be willing (for a small fee, you know, a pound of flesh or so) to license a theme park ride, under a few conditions, namely that it be at Epcot. I fucking love Epcot. The ride would take average Americans (like you!) through the magical world of DBIH: SSR, Sarajevo, and Big Blue. There would be vodka watermelon for everyone and instead of uncomfy roller coaster seats like on It’s a Small World, everyone could sit in papasan chairs.

Finally, @ahfdemocrat recommended DBIH porno. This is kind of creepy. I’ll just let the suggestion come directly from him.

DBIH the porn magazine it would be babies, lesbian celebrities, me, and bradley whitford Creepy? yes. Would we make bank? Obvi.