The background is that I started seeing a gal a couple of months ago. We’ll call her Annie. Fresh out of a decade long relationship, Annie needed to sow a few oats. So, she sowed a few with me. Trouble (for me) was, hmmmm, for some reason she kissed like a 10th grade boy. Exercising those tongue muscles for all they were worth, with a rhythmic in-out that boys use as proxy for what they’d like to do with their overactive weiners. Why should such a thing be coming from a 37 year old lesbian?
So, I tried, with subtle, and then not-so-subtle, non-verbal cues to pull back and get her to somehow respond to me, the person she was kissing, rather than doing tongue calesthenics. When that didn’t work, exasperated, I blurted out something less than delicate. Maybe along the lines of “stop shoving your tongue in my mouth and making me feel like I have to pull my head back. Please?”. Damn, it was frustrating. So you know by now, dear reader, such a kissing technique does not bode well for what is supposed to follow. (To her credit, she did actually modify her technique. The result was more like kissing a shy slug, fearful to come out and play).
The problem, lack of non-verbal communication, was probably mirrored in the excessive but single minded verbal communication. Upset, she came over one evening and launched into her distress because Chloe, she woman she’d been corresponding with from Match.com, no longer wanted to meet her. Why not? well, it seems Chloe had been under the impression that Annie was no longer seeing me. Annie was distraught that her very character had been defamed, the implication that she deliberately misled Chloe.
Chloe and I used to date.
Chloe did not want to date Annie if she was dating me. I did not want to date Annie if she was dating Chloe. Annie wanted to “date the both of you”.
6 weeks into dating does not, I feel, give me the right to tell the person I am dating what (or who) can or cannot do. I just told her that I would be uncomfortable, jealous, and I wouldn’t like it, BUT she was free to do what she liked. And, as mentioned above, she liked the both of us.
The intervening drama included my bowing out graciously and gratefully. This was followed by an unannounced visit from Annie (with flowers and her PJs) which included her getting too wasted to drive home, and her pleas of “can’t I give you just a backrub” and “I promise I’ll just lie next to you”. After her crawling into bed with me (unannounced) I sent her out to the couch I’d made up for her and locked my door to get some shut eye. So, case closed, wash my hands, all done, right?
Oh, but what a boring story that would make!
Now, it seems, I am the hypotenuse in this lesbo triangle. Chloe and I compared notes, only to find out just how much Annie had lied to each of us, in her quest to get laid by both of us. And how much she’d minimized things with the other one, again in said quest to get laid. I dealt with frantic calls from Annie to find Chloe’s house at 2 am, to return her phone charger. And, finally, getting middle of the night texts from each one about how crazy the other one is.
I think, dear reader, it may just be a match made in heaven.
No comments:
Post a Comment