Dead Porn Stars

Does watching porn stop men from raping and killing women?

That seems to be the main argument of the “pro-porn” party. That porn is harmless. It’s entertaining. It’s not degrading to women and porn actually stops men from raping and killing women.

If men are by nature that sexually agressive then how can porn that is made by men, for men, be safe?

I think about this kind of thing from time to time because I actually work on the out skirts of the adult industry. I’m a phone sex operator. I listen to mens fantasies part time for a living. I’m suppose to giggle and laugh and help make their fantasies a little more real. Being a PSO is both more intense and less so then being an actual prostitue/escort. It’s less intense, obviously, because I am not actually physically engaged in the sexual fantasy at all. It’s more intense because men are more honest with the anonymous voice over the phone then they would ever be with a creature, even an animal, that was able to look them in the eye and see who they are in actuality.

When I started as a PSO I was bisexual. Now I am a lesbian. It’s one of the many secrets of the phone sex industry. One of the negative effects of getting this close to the sexual reality of the human male (if you see that as negative, I would say it was more an “enlightenment”). You see the human part of men. The real part. Except for some women this actually looks more like the subhuman part. The part men keep hidden from us and with very good reason. Why? Because if they didn’t keep it hidden from us there would be a lot more lesbians in the world, the world would look more like it does behind the scenes at a phone sex call center. 50% hard edged dykes who actively walk around with mace and other weapons.

I think the thing that disturbs me most about male sexuality is how “empty” it is, at least in heterosexual relationships. What that emptiness is, is hard for me to describe since I am not really sure what the “fullness” of women’s sexuality is in comparison. Fullness, is of course, only my opinion anyway. As a lesbian I see womens love as fulling and men’s love as empty. So I’m sure there’s a lot of men and women who would take offense to my saying one is full and one is empty. But who cares right now, my opinion. But understand it is not an uneducated one and one I have heard repeated to me before by other women/lesbians. There is something in men’s sex that is lacking (for us women) that is in abundance…and in some cases, possibly, in over abundance…in female sex. We’ve always known that men don’t care about romance, timing, emotions (as much as women) but I think most women believe while these elements may not be there that there is something else, even more wonderful, that has replaced it. This is what men and the world have convinced us! That the things we need may not be there but it’s okay, men know better. They have something better for us in store if we would only do things their way. If we would just love them and wait.

And as someone who listens to the fantasies of men and have seen (or heard) their darker nature for a living, for nearly two years I will tell you NO, they do not have a better way. Men are just as confused as women are. In some cases they are more so. They do not have the answers. They are able to focus, but what is it that they are focused on? World peace? Happiness and joy for us all? Or is it selfish desires? A negative space that feeds on the energy of others? The porn industry, in a lot of ways is a way men try to empty out women.

The problem is women do not react well to being emptied out. They do not react well to having the emotions or whatever that fullness is (that I am being to lazy to delve into right now)fucked out of them.

Note the huge amount of women who commit suicide/died of drug-alcohol abuse in the video posted above. Women to not react well to being emptied out at all.

I recently read “Self Made Man” by Norah Vincent. If your not familiar with this book it’s the story of a lesbian who spends a year dressed up as a man. As her male alter ego “Ned”, Norah joins a male bowling team, a monastery, a men’s rights group (an early men’s rights group. One that sounds pretty reasonable to me. Not the gathering of lunatics that make up the modern MRA) and at one point, Ned goes to the strip club. This was the most provocative part of the book for me.

Although I feel Norah is immensely forgiving of men and hard on women in her book. I think her surprise and shock of men’s sexuality was honest and what I felt when I first started in the PSO business:

“Observing this, I was frightened, standing there very much alone. As a woman teeming prototypical with all my necessary illusions, confronted with this spectacle of male factory function, I felt a despair that was salvaged only by the knowledge that I was not a heterosexual. I didn’t want companionship ir partnership with men. But most women do and that is why they don’t want to know, they can’t know that maybe they are making love to someone who is really just fucking them. This is not the whole picture of course, but it is a freeze frame, a worst case scenario, and when I saw it and thought about it and allowed it to insult me, not just as a woman, but as an emotionally needy sexual mind, I felt very small and lost in my costume. I needed, as many women do, more than a carnal connection to happen in sex, but in this of all places it was absurd to go looking for it, or to be hurt when you didn’t find it.”

So Ms. Vincent, you SEE the emptiness in the strip club. I TALK to it. I see just how bottomless the pit is all though I am at a safe distance. I’m like a little girl peering over the railing into the grandcanyon. How amazingly, terrifyingly, VAPID this space is.

The women who work in the porn industry, they fall into the emptiness. Head first. Or worst they get scooped out in more ways then one. Isn’t that was some men call fucking a woman? “Scooping her out”? That connection is more appropriate then I imagined.

“Why, I had so often wondered, didn’t men want real women? Was it misogyny, a kind of collective repressed homosexuality or perhaps pedophilia that really wanted a body type that more resembled a man’s or a child’s, fatless and smooth?

For some, this is no doubt true, or why would magazines like Barely Legal, full of pre- and parapubescent girls, sell so well? Why would the fashion industry, long dominated by gay men, demand that women starve themselves until their bodies, hipless and breastless, look like the bodies of adolescent boys?

But porn stars look more like real women don’t they? All though the breast and often times the hair is completely fake. The moaning is fake, the look into the camera and heavy breathing is fake. The delight at having a man ejaculate into your face as you kneel before him is fake and everything else is scripted, It’s still “REAL” right?

In anycase I work on the out skirts of the adult industry and as much as I rail against it, as much as I constantly try to fight against it in my own mind, I feel that emptiness starting to grow inside me. No, not in the sexual way. I haven’t fucked a man in almost 5 years and can’t see myself doing it anytime in the near future. But I feel that emptiness coming on. The lack of trust in people. Is it paranoia or is it just finally seeing reality for what it is? How horrible! I’ve never been that kind of person and it was always the most attractive thing about me. I’ve always had an unwavering belief in people, both men and women, in myself most of all. Even being a lesbian didn’t destroy my trust in men totally. I just knew I didn’t want to fuck them anymore, but as people they could be alright to talk to.

I don’t know, maybe I’ve had to giggle at one man to many telling me he’s the high school gym teacher and he wants to fuck the little sluts on his soccer team. Or one man too many telling me to scream while he pretends to rape me, calling me by his mothers name. Or one too many a closet homosexual wanting me to wield him a fantasy about getting gang rapped by black men, the idiots in the MRA go on and on about how sick women are because WE have rape fantasies. Bullshit! Men have the most vulgar, disturbing rape fantasies, HANDS DOWN!

So here comes the emptying. Sure I’m a lesbian. I have that same “WHEW!” moment that Ms. Vincent had when she realized how vapid male heterosexuality is. But my ability to relax can only go so far. Men help create the women, therefore, the more fucked up the men are the more fucked up the women are too. How many girls have I dated that have been abused, raped, fucked over by men in their life? That shit doesn’t just go away. So the less I trust men is the less I trust women too, the less I trust people. The more unpleasant the world seems and the more frightened I am for the world of the future.

But I haven’t had it as bad with men as some other women have. So thanks to the porn is awriiiiight theory, i probably should thank one of the porn stars in the video for giving her life to protect me from being raped. And for all the girls who have been raped and abused, well, I guess that just means theirs not enough porn stars and whores out there doing their jobs.