From Bethany

(From Bethany)

she does make a few points, but in this com she seems to avoid taking any responsibility for hurting your feelings. it’s all her rationalizing her response, as before, even switching her role as an imagined victim to substantiate her position–seems manipulative to me. your appearance demands attention, for sure, but you don’t necessarily. i observe that she sees nothing wrong with ‘correcting’ another adult, no apology for the inpropriety of rudely imposing limits on someone else who is her assumed equal. have you ever read anything on transactional analysis? the old book “i’m okay, you’re okay” is a very comprehensive guide. great reading for someone interested in maintaining equality in relationships. also, she leaves the door open to perpetuate her behavior, if you were to reconcile. no mention of how her responses affects you, she doesn’t own it; this is someone who may have a problem assuming responsibility when things go awry, like bev–i.e. it’s always someone else’s fault. have the words i’m sorry ever passed her lips regarding this matter?

(From Anshel)

Wow. You are one of the smartest people I know. You cut to the chase and you are right on. Nope, she never said she was sorry, in fact at one point, she said I hurt her. I won’t even bother responding to her, because she will never see my point of view. I am so glad I saw the true her. While I was digesting the fact that someone saw me as something that made her want to vomit, I kept saying to myself, “I am not an animal.” You know, from that film “The Elephant Man.” Then I went to Walgreen’s to look for a charger for my iPod and two men, separately, each told me how beautiful I was with my tattoos. It wasn’t what someone that is transitioning to a man wants to hear, but considering I was feeling like I needed to walk around with a sheet over me (a ghost — I wanted to disappear and I have been hibernating), it was the universe telling me that other people see me as someone beautiful when someone I trusted feels like they are going to vomit when they are around me. It spoke volumes of how wrong it is for Nancy to impose herself on me and not take me as I am. And for her to use some psychic bullshit and throw the Holocaust at me even pisses me off more. She says she is an “observant” Jew and those that are “observant” don’t believe in going to Psychics. The whole relationship is or was not balanced. She is another control freak in my life. She came out to me as a bisexual. I hope she finds friends that are as “observant” as she is and hate tattoos too. I say “Good luck to that.” I know more people with tattoos than people without them. Especially in the GLBT community. I’d rather not have friends than have that kind of friend. You can imagine how this shook me, I couldn’t even respond to her. What would be the point? She simply doesn’t see that she did anything that would warrant the words, “I’m sorry.” In fact, I think she wants me to tell her I am sorry. I have nothing to apologize for. I am being me and if she can’t be around me without feeling like she is going to vomit, then I won’t be around her. It is that simple. Her reaction to me feels like discrimination. It feels like pre-judgement. It feels like bigotry. I even looked it up to make sure I was using the correct term — “A bigot is a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices.” How do I compete with that? I just don’t and I simply don’t want to. I have so many acquaintances, but very few true friends. It is difficult for me to trust and let people in. When I do, I get hurt, time and time again. It is easier to isolate than to get out and see the world. I force myself to go to the gym. I force myself to eat good things. I sleep when I am tired, poop and pee when I need. I am starting to take care of me. That inner child boy me. Hopefully without hurting others in the process.

Thank you for your response. Thank you for being my friend for all of these years. I have known you for twenty-six years. Some of that time we weren’t together as friends, but I am so grateful we are close now more than ever. You are a wonderful leaning post.

Do you want to meet at the Umbrella if it doesn’t snow on Tuesday? Same time, same Bat channel?

I do love you Bethany. You are a wonderful friend and person.

Anshel