R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find Out What It Means To Me

This was my response to a comment left by a really nice person, I figured I should post this as a post:

Thank you, Teambaby. I know. I guess I’ve been realizing a pattern of disrespect and can only trace it to myself. I guess I’ve been altogether too nice and too understanding that it appears that I have no respect for myself, and therefore, allows others (otherwise good people) to not have respect for me. Hailey apparently has no respect for me, I see that. I guess I am staying (for now) for a few reasons: 1) I love her. I know this seems bad, but I can’t help it. The part of her that doesn’t lie and cheat and disrespect is beautiful. I love her. I can’t help it. 2) The kids. It’s not just me who is negatively affected by this. It breaks my heart to feel like I have to leave the kids, too. Even if she is civil enough to let me be a part of their lives after this, it sucks major ass to do so as a visitor from a broken home. I’m so in love with being a father and all the minute details that go with it like getting the little one ready for school, kissing her owies, and just seeing the comfort in her face knowing that her dad is always right there whenever she needs me. I’ve already lost that with my first two kids. I would die if I had to go through that again. But if I need to, I will. I wouldn’t want my kids to disrespect me, too. 3) I guess I’m learning a lot about myself and how I apparently lack some degree of respect for myself, which apparently leads to others not having respect for me. I guess this is how someone who loves me (I think she really does and is just making huge mistakes out of her own weaknesses) can disrespect me so blatantly and so bad. I must invite it by not having respect for myself. So, while I’m here, I might as well learn from it.

She doesn’t know how much I know. I’ve hinted to see if she’ll come clean with me, but she never does. She lies instead. That’s how I feel she’s just scared of the consequences of the careless mistakes she’s made, and that maybe she does love me. I don’t know. I want to confront her with it soon, but I want her to open up and say how she really feels, but I feel like she’ll just make things worse by lying and turning it all around on me somehow. I’ll definitely know it’s over, then. If she opens up, there is a chance we could have a relationship so much more rich and beautiful than either of us ever had – being so much better people than we ever have been. We’ll see how she reacts.

Thanks again, Teambaby!