Happen to visiting Washington, D.C. this weekend for some sorta National Equality March? Then may I present for your reading pleasure this Field Guide to help you identify the various specimens you may encounter(some these I’m pretty sure could be equally applied to Fresgays). My personal favorite:
2. THE CAPITOL HILL FAG Habitat: Halo, A Happy Hour Near You, The Closet The Fag most likely to follow dinner with his girlfriend with a night of fevered craigslist dick-shopping, this is the DC Fag that gives all other DC Fags a slightly-worse name. Even when not closeted, their undying ambition for a political future will lead them to conduct themselves in a manner usually reserved for Victorian royalty. They will not so much as speak of marijuana in public or use the group shower at their gym in fear that it will damage their 2024 bid for City Council. They are often indistinguishable in appearance from regular gay people, and such are most easily identified through their vocal patterns. They will invoke the name of their obscure gubernatorial employer as a pickup line and blanch visibly if you do not recognize the California State Educational Comptroller by name and face. The more buttoned up the outward appearance, the dirtier the creature within. That clean-shaven blonde guy in the seersucker suit will ask you to take a dump in his fishtank while he calls his mother.
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