Organized Judaism and I parted ways today (At least for today). I resigned from my position on the Board and told my Executive Director and Board President that I received an email from someone that attends our shul that basically said that they felt ill when they looked at me. I simply can’t feel secure in an environment that won’t embrace me fully. It is like one person in school being afraid to give an answer. Nancy’s response to me probably was pretty normal of many Jews, but other’s just never said anything. I am assuming many Jews feel just the way she does. I can’t control how other’s take me, but I can control being exposed to their form of oppression, discrimination, and bigotry. I have the right to feel safe within my own subculture and when I don’t, I walk. I never understood oppressing the oppressed, by someone that is oppressed too. My “transgressions” [tattoos] are visible, a reminder of how I “sinned” in their eyes. They forget about the times they told me they stopped at a local convenience store and gobbled down non-kosher items such as Twinkies or Hostess Cupcakes. They worshiped a Guru, before returning to Judaism and I am the sinner? Are my transgressions any worse as theirs? Why aren’t they a sinner in their own eyes? Why do they judge me and only what I did or do? I can certainly see why some people shy away from organized religion. Today, I ask G-d to help me understand this. I FOREVER will be a Secular Jew — A person of Jewish heritage. Proud to be a Jew, but saddened by they way I have been treated by my own people. For me, if being “observant” means hurting others by pointing out their transgressions against the Torah and letting their own fly, that is just wrong. Especially since I saw how one “observant” Jew [Nancy] degraded and judged me on my transgressions while allowing her own. I will continue my shabbat services for Henry, and attend my Mussar classes, but in my eyes, I refuse to expose myself to bigotry and discrimination in a sacred environment. That is not any form of Chesed or Kavod. I am tired of pretending it is okay, when it is not.
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