Gone but not forgotten (I hope)

This hottie up above is Skyler Cooper. Yes, she is FEMALE. Yes, those muscles look oh so right! I love a butch lesbian!

It’s been a while I know. For that I’ve got to apologize. Been so dang gone busy! I’m actually trying to write a book and since I’m about done with it, I started getting to work on the submissions package (sample chapters, query letters) and I’ve been driving myself nuts spending almost any bit of free time I have, editing, re-editing, scraping, re-writing, the damn thing over and over again.

When I get into something is that I OBSESS over it. Can’t see or think about anything else. So yeah my poor blog got neglected! Not only that but all the hot lesbo’s I’ve been stalking online have been going without my devoted, obsessive, attention!! You poor dears!! Don’t worry I’ll carve out more time to bask in your lovely, fabulousness now. Lol!.

I even had a new crush, this cute punk chef I found on allrecepies.com. I haven’t even gone on the site to stare at her pictures every five minutes and comment about how tasty her cakes look. *WOLFISH GRIN* Honestly romance has been the last thing on my mind as of late. I need money, so chasing girls is going to have to take a back seat for a while.

In addition to work I’ve been having people stay over my apt and just like…living here…until I’ve had to call the police on them. Yes, THE POLICE. My mom stayed for like a week and then she went home, all was amicable. But my sons father had gotten kicked out of his family’s home and has been renting a room from some lady with like four kids. I think it’s poetic justice, actually. He couldn’t be bothered to take care of his one child and ends up having to live and cater to a woman with 4 of them. LOL! But he says he wants to spend time with our son so I allowed him to stay in my apartment (sleeping on the sofa or in my sons room) for a few days. A few days turned into nearly a week! Partially my fault because I’d turned him into my personal slave, which was really, really fun! Men are so good at domestic chores and cooking, especially when they are in the dog house for being complete turds and know it. I made him clean the entire apartment and cook all our meals the whole time he was here. Plus since he said he was here to spend time with our son I made him stay with our son while I gave myself a break, went out and did stuff. Of course, I knew the good boy act was going to come to an end and I was going to have to kick him out. The day before he was going to leave anyway he started to act like he was the one who paid rent in the apartment and I was the one begging him for a place to stay. Then when I asked him to leave a day early because all the sudden he couldn’t be bothered to clean up after himself or tend to our son, he threatens to punch me! The two of us have scrapped before, which is one of the main reasons he is my ex, however I never called the police on him. I figured if I just get away and got my own place everything would be fine. He didn’t touch me this time, just seriously threatened to and held his fist in the air. Sick. Men are always trying to bully women into getting what they want. I guess I had enough of it and called the cops and had them come early in the morning (while my son was still asleep thank god!) and have him escorted O.U.T. Enough of that shit.

I think about when I was in a relationship with him and think about the fact that it’s been a very long time since I’ve been in a relationship with a guy. You almost forget how they try to use their physical power to intimidate and control you. I suppose this has never been a relative problem for me because I’ve always been the type of girl who has no problems getting into a physical fight. I read this article yesterday on not spanking your children and all the research that says spanking a child has negative effects on that child. A lot of men commented on this and were kind of outraged, they saw spankings from their parents as part of what made them “men”. Well, where does that put girl children, Like me, who were spanked when they were children? For me I think it made me less afraid of physical violence from men or women. I hate to fight but if I have to fight, I totally will. In fact, I realize that in the midst of fighting there’s this strange exhilaration that comes over me. There’s no pain during the fight, it’s after the fight the hurting starts.

But the things I did in my teens and early 20’s are no longer so appealing to me now. I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, I went to inner city schools and a public high school. I had a mother who had no problem with spanking me as a child. Hell I been fighting all my life. I guess for a while I didn’t see anything wrong with it. I knew it was wrong for men to hit women, I knew it because people always said it was. But I didn’t see it as wrong really, because I stayed with an abusive asshole for too long and truth be told, up until I called the cops the other day, I’d been protecting him. Even though I left him and haven’t had sex with him or anyone of his gender since I left him, I still had been covering for him by not making him face the truth of his actions. So I finally did that and he’s mad at me. LOL! Which is so adorable…I mean after all of this the fool honestly hopes that I still care.

Speaking of abusive assholes, I found out that a girl I almost dated is now in love with a MAN. EWW! What kills me is she was such a man hater and in so much emotional turmoil over this girl at the time we were flirting with each other. She was a pretty boy-girl (just like I like ‘em) problem was she was kind of a flake and still in love with her “ex-girlfriend”. I only knew about this from reading her blog where while we were planning to “meet up”, “hang out” and “do STUFF” (sex) she’d be obsessing over her “ex” in post after post. I really didn’t care that she was in love with her ex, I just wanted to smoke pot, watch some movies and have sex. I’d just broken up with my girlfriend at the time (except I actually stayed away from her) and didn’t want anything too heavy. No one coming over and cooking big family meals with, no one playing catch and foot ball with my son, no one to plan a family with (or decide on the race of the man we wanted to get knocked up by) , figure out how we’re going to afford an apartment in the city to raise our happy little lesbian family with. I’d done all that with my ex girlfriend (and we decided I’d get knocked up by a dark skinned Hispanic male) , wasn’t in the mood to start from scratch. How chauvinistic of me, I just wanted someone nice to look at to have sex with.

But, you know, just be honest about shit. If I did fall for this girl how much would it have sucked for me that she’s still not over her ex? So I called her out of her weirdness and we got into a huge fight. Haven’t talked to each other since (actually we did, we talked again when we found each other on a dating network. Except I didn’t know it was her until she started going on about the same “ex girlfriend”. This is almost a year after our first contact) but I had her on one of my e-mail IM list still. Come to find out she writes a status where she brags about being in love with someone. I check out the post to see who’s the lucky girl and she’s kissing a guy in the picture. LOL! Man is he ever in for it.

Oh in other lesbian drama news another girl that I almost dated has been bugging me in IM, apparently trying to show off her new relationship. I hate when people do that! We were talking for a minute but she’d say some weird shit to me like how she googled me and knows where I live in shit. I told her I’ve dated psycho’s before and didn’t like it, and she claimed to just be kidding, but who kids about stuff like that? We’re talking about like basketball or something and all the sudden she breaks out with: “Yeah I googled your name and found out where you live. You live only a few blocks from me. I’ve been WATCHING YOU…”

Then I spent like a week in the hospital and when I called her to let her know I’m alright, she’s like all pissed off at me “Where the FUCK were YOU AT?” OMG! Psycho! After that I pretty much ignored her. So for a while it seems like she gets the message and has been leaving me alone but recently she starts IM’ing me to see how I’m doing. So I’m nice to her and figure I’ll let bygones be bygones but I’m still not interested in dating her and she keeps mentioning her new girlfriend. Well be talking about kids and she’ll mention her new girlfriends two kids and how cute they are. Then we’ll be talking about a movie and she’ll mention how much her girlfriend wants to see that movie. I’ll be talking about food and she’ll mention how her girlfriend cooks it better then anyone. OMFG! Not this shit again! LOL! Seriously, I’m happy for anyone who finds love. I know how hard it is and I’m pretty confident that someone amazing is out there for me, so I’m not stressed and I am not the jealous type. And the fact that some people don’t seem to want to talk to me unless they have a relationship to try to jam down my throat just means they’ve been thinking about me and I must have hurt them worst then I imagined by declining a relationship with them. So it’s just a total ego boost for me that they really care, this much. Actually my sons father tried to pull the same shit on me. When he was over at my place he kept calling his “girlfriend” and talking real loud on the phone with her. When I was in the kitchen making a snack he even mentions me to her in my face. He said something like “Yeah, I told my sons mother that but she never listens to me”. Awww!! How cute, you’re trying to make me jealous! Except I really am a peculiar girl, when I break up with someone I make sure I have good reason too. Michael Jackson is dead ya’ll, ain’t no one should be sliding backwards anymore. I’m ready to move forward. Thanks for gassing my ego though!