telling the parents

Brooke finally did it, she told her parents she was making a big old lesbian baby with me.  And it went well. Brooke spent the last week down in Tampa at her mom and step dads while her dad flew down to also spend time with her and her brother.  Brooke was beyond petrified to tell her mother and I never quite figured out why. Even though her mom has had trouble with us in the past she has seemed to accept us and her dad is pretty laid back, we figured would be a non-issue. Well oddly enough her mom was thrilled while her dad didn’t have much to say.  Her step dad had put two and two together and just assumed we would be doing that. Barb, her mom, is really excited and can’t wait to be a grandma much like my mom. Barb herself has a 6-year-old, so not surprising she likes the little ones around. As it is Barb and Tim, her husband, live in Tampa with Brookes brother and half sister.  While her dad lives in Minnesota. The entire family never comes out to visit us. We always have to be the ones to go visit them. And of course Brooke and I resent it. Brooke gets the guilt trip when it’s been too long and I worry about money.  We are lucky in the fact that my family lives near us, but I feel if they didn’t my mom would always find reasons to visit. So, with this future baby they are excited about we are hoping that they will start visiting us. We will definitely see. I am also hoping for Brookes sake that her dad will start getting excited and maybe even move out here.

What I find interesting is that for some reason people think that because we are making a baby via insemination rather than the good old fashion way we can pick the sex of the baby. Both her father and step dad asked if we were going to pick. It just goes to show how much people really don’t know what it’s like in other peoples shoes. So many people have been surprised on all we have to go through to get my name on the birth certificate and the fact that I will still have to adopt the baby. I don’t want to say it’s ignorance, why would they have to know these things if it does not affect them? But I feel this contributes to how people vote on such things in elections. Lately on my way home for work there has been an anti-domestic partnership sign.  It says protect marriage protect our children man + woman= marriage.  On so many levels this sign angers me. One domestic partnership is not marriage and can be entered into by a heterosexual couple. Two how the hell is that endangering to children or even marriage for that fact.  Am I going to turn neighbor children gay by getting partnered with Brooke. The way marriage is now I have no respect for it. I rarely see successful marriages and Brooke and I have had no desire to get married. We have decided to take advantage of domestic partnerships in Oregon which was still a big decision.  However, that decision came from the desire to protect our future child and family and it was the only way I could have my name on the birth certificate. I know more gay couples that have been together long term over heterosexuals. I am not saying it doesn’t exist I’m just saying that the whole idea of marriage doesn’t prove much. All we want out of the idea is to protect each other and our child.  I work with children for a living and not once have I ever endangered them. If anything I have taught them people are different and it doesn’t make them bad. I can’t blame it on religion for these people, I grew up in a Catholic school.  What I remember as being the most valuable thing I learned was in third grade when my teacher told us everyone was different and it didn’t matter what religion or what color or whatever someone else was, we were all the same in the eyes of God.

I worry what kind of world we are wanting to bring a child into. I wonder where so much hate and anger comes from. I wonder what makes people hate because of the color of their skin or because who they love. I wonder why fear drives so many people and why parents force their ideals on children. In some ways I have hope for children. More children find it normal for someone to have two mommies or two daddies. I feel the earlier they see it the more normal it is. There is no reason for a child to hate someone because of color or religion or sexuality, someone has to tell them it’s not right. Those are the people I worry about.