uneasy

last night was fun…  gratifying in some ways, but still not fully gratifying the way I crave…

Now this morning I have been walking around kinda feeling bad about things we did, like regretful in a way.   I know we are married and sex is ok between us, but I am pretty sure what we were doing does not count as ok in the eyes of God.

He told me this morning that he had a bunch of bad dreams last night… which usually means dirty sex dreams or dreams in which I leave him or am with other women instead of him.  He teared up a bit when he told me, but he didnt go into detail about them yet.

Usually when i get really pulled into my lesbian thoughts, he starts sensing it spiritually or something.  And when he does, he confronts me on it or digs around trying to see if his feelings are valid.  So we will see if he starts questioning soon.  Since I have been pretty high on the thoughts recently.

Today I am a little disturbed by our actions and my inability to control myself and be happy where I am with what and who I have and stop craving something else.   I love my husband and things need to be good and “normal” and healthy.  I am not thinking about women at all today.