There are good people, really good people

When I came out, there were a lot of people in my life I was worried about telling. I did lose friends. I also lost acquaintances, a babysitting job, and the calling I thought I had.

I had a particularly stressful appointment to come out to someone religious who had meant a lot to me, so I scheduled an appointment with the school counsellor for immediately afterwards. I’d been to see her several times before and felt I might need some support just then.

Fortunately, things had gone better than expected. While coming out to that person effectively derailed what I had seen as my vocation in life, the reaction had been even handed and caring. I’ll never forget that, and I never fail to hold other religious figures to the same standard, although precious few measure up.

I see good people

Nevertheless, I sat in the chair in the counsellors office feeling afraid, stressed and oddly giddy. It was a gut-wrenching combination I was learning to live with in those early coming-out days. She asked how I was.

“Good,” I said. “You?”

She was well.

I smiled. I couldn’t help it. I had it my head that she was never going to guess — or even believe me. I knew she was a lesbian, so I didn’t fear her reaction, which in itself was a relief.

“I had an appointment at the chapel,” I said. “I told him I’m gay.”

She didn’t blink.

What came afterwards felt like a strange post-coming out debrief.

How did it go down? (quickly, pretty uneventful)

How did I feel about it? (relieved but sad)

How did he react? (honest, supportive, caring)

Are my friends supportive? (mostly, lucky to have diverse group of friends)

What about my family? (Umm, not ready for that yet)

Towards the end of what seemed like a great chat with an exceptionally wise friend, she admitted it was a question that had been at the tip of her tongue for a while.

I thanked her for not asking. It was something I needed to figure out myself and I was glad she knew that.

I hope this explains my impossibly high standards; I’ve known exceptional people.

Who made your coming out easier?

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