Coming Out

I dont exactly have a coming out story. My Mother caught me making out with my “best friend” when I was 12 and told my father. With all my brothers and sisters there she simply said….do you like girls? I was intimidated by the question even though there was no malice in it whatsoever. Alls I could make myself do was shrug my shoulders and walk away from the accusation. They were highly supportive and never mentioned it again except for a few hinted jokes to try and make me comfortable. I was beside myself. I wasn’t quite ready to define that part of me yet.  I was unsure and scared. I kept dating boys and went so far as to be married to my high school sweetheart….all the while sleeping with every beautiful woman I could get my hands on. I knew there was nothing better than the feel of a woman….yet still couldn’t get myself to say I was gay, I am gay. My extended family is highly homophobic. I worried too much then about being an outcast and being talked about. I was scared. Then my time came when I joined the army (how cliche). I met an amazing girl and was instantly infatuated with her in more ways than sexual. I progressed as I went through all my training. I realized I have always been gay, a lesbian. I enjoy the company of my male friends and mistook that for attraction. Counting all the times I’ve snuck out to the gay bar and slept around with woman I decided enough was enough. I needed to be me and happy at all costs. To bad it took so long because there I was with and asshole husband, four kids and no future. I was afraid. When I returned home from all of my training I came out to my best friend….as having no gender preference. A small lie but easier to see how it would go with that instead of the full blow. My cousin of course is my best friend and has known since we were like 5, he’s also gay and is my go to person for everything! Unknowing to him he gave me strength to proceed. I told everyone important to me and everyone has for the most part accepted who I am. Some think it’s a phase and others really dont care to judge. I joined to dating websites to get out there and meet more people who could actually remember me when they were sober the next day instead of hitting up all the bars. I have met and am now living with the most amazing woman. I have never been so happy and in love. She accepts everything about and is my heart and soul. So I guess you could say I am still in the coming out process…but all the people who matter know and I’m not ashamed of who I am because I am the same person I have always been, everyone sees that and I’m proud of my friends and family. I sympathize with those who can’t open their hearts. I only hope it gets easier for younger kids to be who they are as soon as they realize it.

 

I have never been so sure of myself.