Right. For reasons pawing understanding I had agreed to fire the client who raped me last week. I really do not understand why this is so important but recognize that perhaps in this area my judgements may be off. And so this morning that is what I did.
I don’t know what I expected from this woman. At the time it happened she seemed to have no violence or rage in her, only a rather odd straight woman’s interpretation of what sex between women is supposed to be. She seemed to assume that I felt the same abou Doing It as she did. Although there was no asking for permission in it, se just flat-out jumped on me and off we went, to that far-away place where you’re watching events as they unfold.
As I’m walking up the stairs to her place I become aware of many, many confused splinters all vying for attention. I feel like I’m gonna be sick. Knock knock. Door opens.
Hi there well hi how are you today Nd how’s things going with the pup? (chat about how, again, dog is making no headway).
Deep breath. Well, I have something to tell you that is rather sad, but I am going to have to terminate our relationship. The look of shock and utter dismay, classic. The woman had no idea where I was coming from. Unbelievable.
Why? Do you want more money because I’ll give you more money. I’ll start working harder with the dog (bargaining, bargaining).
No actually it’s about what happened last week. Oh THAT? What’s the problem with that? Well, you see you jumped all over me without my consent, right? But you’re a lesbian aren’t you? I mean, that’s who you Do It with. So what’s wrong I do no understand.
Yes, you know that I’m a lesbian. But that doesn’t meanthat I desire to or am willing to have sex with every woman who crosses my path. Actually I am in a committed monogamous relationship and if Katharine Hepburn would stand in front of me asking for it I just wouldn’t go there.
I feel tha you have violated my person and my trust and I just cannot worm with you any more.
ANGER, certainly a fighting the shame and being rejected thing, begins to rave. You led me on. How did I do that do you think you were so nice to me. You seemed to really aNy me to be better to you know have a better life. Yes that is true and those things are right but that is not the same as wanting coerced sex. Oh come off it you’re a dyke for god’s sake wha does that mean iteans you do it with women anyway, it’s not like sex anyway you’re naming a really big deal out of this. Well, I take my body and my right to do with it what I consent to very seriously as should we all. Yes–that was sex. Even though there was not a penis in the room. Shoving your hands down your pants flicking my nipples and trying to go down on me–those things are sex.
Well says client you gotta do what you gotta do. You led me on you made me do what I did and I’m not sorry about it. It’s not like real sex anyway go screw yourself.
The end. Feeling like we don’t really know where to begin to deal with this. It’s really all just too much.
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