“Come on, honey. Cheer up. It’s your birthday.” Paula told Nicky who had walked in on the surprise party that her friends and girlfriend had thrown for her. She was appreciative, that her friends would take the time to plan something like that but she wasn’t a surprise party person, especially during occasions such as birthdays.
“Hey birthday girl.” T.K, one of her close friends said as she wrapped her arms warmly around Nicky.
“What’s wrong?” Lindsay, her other friend asked.
“Come on, guys. Give me a little room here.” Nicky said as she grabbed a beer. Paula, her girlfriend of ten months, took her aside.
“They did this for you with good intentions.” She told Nicky.
“I know.”
“Show them you’re grateful. It would mean a lot to them.” Nicky pecked her girlfriend’s cheek and walked over to her two friends.
“You guys know I’m not a surprise birthday party person, but I am thankful that you did this.” T.K. and Lindsay smiled and hugged her as they both wished her a long and fruitful life.
They party was at Lindsay’s house and all her friends, everyone she knew and worked with were there. She was not a crowd person but for her friends, she tried to be.
“I want the party to end so that we can go home and I can give you your birthday present.” Paula said flirtatiously over her ear as she leaned forward and laid soft kisses along her neck. On a different day, Nicky would have jumped at the thought of making love to her beautiful, sexy girlfriend, but on that day, she was not feeling it.
“Yeah,” But she played the role anyway because she did not want to disappoint her.
“I’m going to get some air. Why don’t you keep an eye on T.K. She looks a bit drunk.” She told Paula who had grown close to T.K. over the last few months since Nicky had introduced them.
“Okay.” She said as she affectionately kissed Nicky and then walked away. Nicky walked out of the house, making sure no one noticed her and went to the flight of stairs leading to the roof of the house.
One of the reasons why she loved Lindsay’s house was because of the rooftop. It was a nice place to go and just get away. She loved watching the sky, the stars and the moon and on that night, the sight was still as magnificent as any other summer night.
She sat down, leaned against the wall and stared up, sending her birthday wish. She had everything she’d ever hoped to get, but it still felt like something was missing. Her life was beautiful and easy. She had a great girlfriend, a beautiful apartment and a nice paying job. Selling advertising space of an interior design magazine was not an easy job but she loved the challenge.
“Nicky Daniels.” She heard a familiar voice say and turned. When her eyes met the person who had mouthed her name, she thought she was seeing a ghost.
“Michelle Travis.” She said softly without bothering to stand up.
“Happy birthday, best friend.” Michelle said as she sat beside her.
“What are you doing back?” Nicky asked, failing to acknowledge her wish.
“I couldn’t miss this.” Michelle said as she reached out and touched her hand. Nicky wanted to pull away but didn’t.
“I haven’t seen you in three and a half years.” She remarked.
“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry.” Michelle apologized.
“You stopped calling, stopped writing and went completely silent on me. Then you show up tonight.”
“Like I said, I couldn’t miss this.” Michelle said, looking into Nicky’s deep eyes. She’d always had the most beautiful eyes Michelle had ever seen. Deep beautiful eyes that could see the depth of her very soul.
“Did you get me a present?” Nicky asked. It was the night to pick a fight, so she played nice despite how much she wanted to walk away. Michelle’s departure had hurt her, but she could never really admit that. Not to anybody and not to herself.
“Yeah, I did.” Michelle said and then leaned forward and kissed her. It started as a soft peck on the lips and then it grew. Like a storm, everything they had both forced themselves to bury for three and a half years came back to life and like a roaring ranger, it consumed them alive.
Nicky forgot she had a girlfriend and kissed Michelle back and then the moment she did that, her hands lost control and started searching for buttons, zippers until she found them and undressed her. Since the concrete was hard and cold, they laid back on their clothes and Nicky reminded herself how it was like to make love to Michelle.
She rained soft endless kisses over her neck, her chest, her breasts, relearning everything three and a half years had taken from her as Michelle moaned in pleasure beneath her. Touching her again after such a long time made it feel like it was their very first time again together. Every moment was amazing and magical, almost as if nothing had ever changed.
Michelle moaned her name and Nicky kept on going, making her lose her mind as her body experienced a torturous pleasure she’d never thought she’d have the privilege to do so again. It was amazing how even after so much time had passed, Nicky could still drive Michelle so insanely over the edge of a cliff.
She fell asleep holding Michelle in her arms. A part of her believed that she was in a dream, that morning would come and Michelle would be gone. She’d be in Los Angeles, building homes for famous celebrities and living a different life.
She woke up at four in the morning and Michelle was still lying in her arms. She watched her sleep for a while and then without waking her, took her clothes, got dressed and left her there. Whatever type of dream that was, she did not want to be a part of it because everything was different now.
“Hey, where did you disappear to last night?” Paula asked her the following morning at the diner where they usually ate their breakfast. Lindsay was busy on her laptop and T.K. was resting her head on the table as though she had a hangover.
“Is she okay?” She asked, referring to T.K.
“She’s fine.” Lindsay answered her. Paula leaned in and pecked her lips and Nicky called over a waitress and gave her order.
“How does it feel to be thirty?” T.K. asked as she lifted up her head. She was wearing a big pair of sunglasses which was hiding most of her face.
“You’ve been there, you know how it feels like.” Lindsay giggled, tapping T.K. on the shoulder.
“Hey, was I drunk last night or did I see Michelle?” T.K. asked and they both looked at Nicky.
“You were drunk, but she was there. She called me a few weeks ago asking what we were going to do for your thirtieth birthday. I suggested the surprise party and she said you were going to hate it but I threw it anyway and invited her.” Lindsay explained.
“Did you see her?” T.K. asked Nicky.
“Yeah, I saw her.” She answered as the waitress brought over her breakfast.
“Who is Michelle?” Paula asked and T.K. started explaining.
“She was Nicky’s girlfriend. She left three and a half years ago after she got a job with a great firm in Los Angeles. They broke up because they couldn’t handle a long distance relationship but stayed friends. They kept in touch for the first fifteen months, but then the calls, the emails and the letters stopped coming”
“Did you two speak?” Lindsay asked after T.K. had told Paula the whole story. Nicky remembered what had happened between them and wasn’t sure how to answer.
“What did she say?” T.K. asked and at that moment, Michelle walked into the diner. Silence descended on their table as she walked over to them.
“Hello guys.” She said warmly. Lindsay got up and hugged her and T.K. kissed her cheek. It was a little awkward when she faced Nicky but out of courtesy, Nicky got up and gave her a hug and then introduced Paula.
“Paula is Nicky’s girlfriend.” T.K. said. If Michelle was surprised, she failed to show it. Instead she just took a seat between Lindsay and Nicky and called herself a waitress.
“This is like, de javu. Except, Paula is in the picture.” T.K. commented and she was right. It did feel a little like it was a situation out of their history.
“So, Michelle, tell us what you’ve been up to? How long are you here?” Lindsay enquired and after Michelle had been served, she looked at her friends and said,
“I’m here to stay. I’m not going back to Los Angeles. I’m actually opening up a firm of my own.”
“Wow! That’s great.” T.K. said.
“Yeah, congratulations.” Nicky threw in as though she couldn’t care less.
“Thanks.” Michelle said, turning to face Nicky. She’d woken up to find herself alone on Lindsay’s rooftop but after what had happened and after finding out that Nicky had a girlfriend, she understood why the situation had played itself that way.
“I have to get going.” Nicky said as she finished up her cup of coffee and kissed Paula.
“I’ll bring the presents over to your apartment.” Paula said, kissing her back.
“Okay, I’ll see you tonight.” Nicky told her and then left. Michelle felt like there was a hole in her stomach, a hole that not too long ago had been full of Nicky but she concealed it and acted as though it didn’t bother her, like she barely even noticed it.
“Do you have a place to stay?” Lindsay asked her a moment later.
“Right now I’m staying at a hotel.”
“I’ll talk to a friend of mine and see if we can get you an apartment.”
“Thank you, Lindsay.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Hey T.K. do you still work at a barber shop?” She had always gotten along with both Lindsay and T.K.
“I own a barbershop.” T.K. said as she ran her fingers through her short boyish hair.
“Men don’t mind you cutting their hair?”
“Hey, I’m great at it. Plus they leave great tips. They don’t meet lesbians who cut men’s hair for a living everyday.” Michelle laughed at that and turned to Paula. She had no idea what to say to her considering she’d just met her and not more than a few hours ago, her girlfriend had been making love to her.
“Lindsay, how is your fashion design house doing?”
“Great, I’ve got a new line of designs which I intend to take to the New York fashion week in three months.” Lindsay said, smiling at her friend who had always taken genuine interest in what everyone was doing in their lives.
“Any boyfriends yet? Girlfriends?”
“Girlfriends? I thought she was straight.” Paula said and the other girls laughed.
“She used to love experimenting with girls and girls loved her too. She was a heartbreaker.”
“I was not!”
“You k now you were.” Michelle said.
“I can’t help it if hanging out with my three gay best friends made women think I was gay too.”
“So you used to be with women?” Paula asked, just to be certain.
“Not only used to be honey, but also loved being with women. She’s been quoted saying that she’s never had as intense an orgasm with a man as she’s had with a woman.” T.K. informed Paula who was now laughing at the news.
“I haven’t been with a woman in almost a year. I’ve been dating men.” Lindsay said in her defence.
“Yeah? How is that going for you?”
“Not so good. That dating part is fun but I always end it after I introduce the men to my friends.”
“Why is that?”
“They feel too comfortable, start asking if I’ve been with women, start suggesting a threesome. I just want a guy who is content with me.”
“Why not put off the meeting friends part until you’re certain he’s good for you.” Michelle suggested and Lindsay hugged her.
“See, this is why you never should have left. You always knew the right advise to give.”
“Then it’s a good thing that I’m back.”
“It’s a great thing.” Lindsay said and Michelle felt a warm feeling embracing her. At least someone was glad to see her again.
“What do you do, Paula?” She asked in an attempt to get to know her ex-girlfriend’s current girlfriend.
“I’m a computer technician.” Paula said.
“That’s interesting. I’ve never met one before. How is it like?”
“Well, until a few years ago, it was a male dominated profession so it wasn’t easy when I started out but eventually, it got better. I was working for a company and after a couple of years I got tired of taking orders from someone. I now hire people to order around.” The last part was a joke, which Michelle got and laughed.
“Anyway, I opened my own place which has made it easier and convenient.”
“That’s great, once I form a client base here I’ll put the word out there.”
“Wow! I’d appreciate that.” Paula said, seeing why everyone was so taken by Michelle.
“Why would you come back to start from zero when everything was so great for you in Los Angeles?” T.K. asked.
“I wasn’t happy being away from my friends and family. Sometimes money doesn’t make you as happy as you’d want to think it does.” It was easy to see why Nicky could have picked her. She had an outstanding personality and the whole time she was having breakfast, she showed more interest in the three of them, Paula included, than she did about herself.
When Lindsay and T.K. insisted on asking her personal questions, she gave short and precise answers and then got back to them and their lifestyles. She was gorgeous too, tall with a model’s body, kind brown eyes and a lovely face.
*
“How was work today?” Paula asked Nicky as she helped her open her birthday presents.
“Busy and hard but fun as usual.” Nicky said as she laughed at the sexy lingerie that she had just unpacked.
“That’s cute.” Paula commented, thinking it would look very attractive on Nicky.
“For a hot steamy night, cute wouldn’t be my first choice of word to use.” Nicky said as she imagined Paula wearing it.
“It’s supposed to be yours.” Paula complained.
“One of the perks of being my girlfriend is that you have to share everything with me therefore if I say for instance, that I want you to have this sexy piece of clothing, then its yours. Especially when I get to see it on you.” Nicky told her.
“Have I ever told you that you’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had?”
“Yes, but its always nice to hear it.” Nicky said, leaning over to kiss her.
“You still owe me a birthday present.” Paula giggled over the reminder and asked,
“Would you like me to wear this for you before you take it off?”
“Please.” Nicky said, making her voice sound as though she was begging and Paula took the lingerie from her.
“I’ll surprise you. Let’s finish opening up these first.” She said and Nicky continued tearing open wrappers and boxes.
“How long were you and Michelle together?” Paula asked a while later. She would have asked T.K. who would have told her everything she wanted to know, but she wanted to hear it from Nicky.
“Are you sure talking about her right now is a good idea?” Nicky asked, not sure she could get into a discussion about the woman she’d spent the night making love to rather than her girlfriend.
“If you’re uncomfortable talking about her, it’s fine. I just thought it was okay for me to ask, seeing how easy it is to get along with her. Lindsay and T.K. love her.” Nicky counted the years in her head without letting her mind get into detail and said,
“Five years.”
“You were together for five years?” Paula asked, not sure why she sounded surprised because it was clear that Michelle had been in both Lindsay’s and T.K’s lives for a long time.
“I had known her for two years before we started going out and then we were together for five years so, seven years to be exact.” Nicky said.
“So you two were in a serious relationship?”
“I guess you could say that.”
“Did you live together?” She wanted to know the extent of the depth of their relationship in order to know whether or not she ought to have been afraid.
“Yeah, a year and a half after we hooked up.” Nicky was saying it as though it was ancient history, like she didn’t care about it anymore and for some reason, it consoled Paula.
“She said she was back because she missed being around her friends and family.” She didn’t get a reaction from Nicky, so she let it go.
“Last present and it’s from T.K. You want to guess what it is?” She asked as she shook the box to hear the contents.
“A wild guess?” Paula asked and Nicky nodded.
“A battery operated object.” Nicky broke into laughter, agreeing with her as she tore open the box and found a sex toy. Paula took it and started examining it as Nicky continued to laugh.
“You want to take it for a ride?” She asked playfully as she took the sexy lingerie and disappeared to the bedroom.
“Are you serious?” Nicky asked as she got up and followed Paula to the bedroom. She locked herself in the bathroom for a while and then stepped out wearing nothing but the lingerie. Nicky looked at her in lust and bit her lower lip at the excitement rising up within her.
“See, it looks even better from the side where I’m sitting.” She said as she got up and went to her. She started kissing her and Paula’s body instantly reacted to her, responding with need and ache which Nicky always knew how to handle.
Nicky picked her up and took her to bed and without taking off the lingerie, covered every other exposed part of Paula’s body with kisses. Nicky ravished her with love until she realized she had no reason to worry about Michelle.
*
“There’s a Michelle Travis here to see you.” Terry, Nicky’s secretary, told her over the phone. She froze for a moment, wondering what was the purpose of Michelle’s visit, then said,
“Send her in.” Michelle walked in looking as magnificent as always, dressed in a trouser suit that hugged her body and exposed her beautiful female structure.
“It’s good to see you again.” Michelle told her as she went and sat down across Nicky’s desk.
“Looks like seeing you is something I’m going to have to get used to.” Nicky commented, putting her work aside.
“I apologize if that’s a bad thing.”
“What is the purpose of your visit?” Nicky asked, not sure she could handle chit chat.
“Business.”
“Business, really?” She asked, laughing lightly.
“Yes, I’ll tell you about it and if you’re not interested, feel free to show me out.” She raised her eyebrow, waiting.
“I found an office space and am currently working on it. In a few weeks, it’ll be done and I’ll be able to hire myself some crew. While all that is taking place, I’d like to advertise my business and what better place to go than an interior design magazine.” Michelle explained.
“Are you telling me that you’re here to buy advertising space in our magazine?” Nicky asked, just to be sure.
“Yes,” She looked at Michelle for a while, as though she was waiting for her to admit something and then said,
“Well, in that case, it’ll be a pleasure doing business with you.” Nicky got to her feet and walked over to Michelle. She stretched out her hand and Michelle stood up as she gently shook it.
Nicky didn’t know how it happened. Maybe it was because they were in a room, alone or the fact that they were both still very much attracted to each other. But the next thing she knew, Michelle was taking a step closer to her and Nicky was meeting her halfway.
The kiss was unexpectedly wonderful but it wasn’t the same as the one they had shared on the rooftop. Just as that one, this one was driven by a sudden need to quench some sort of need that was long overdue to be fed, only this was in broad daylight and Michelle knew about Paula’s existence in Nicky’s life.
That fact didn’t make her fail to notice how soft Michelle’s lips were under hers, or how eager her hands her working to undress her. It was happening so fast that she couldn’t pause for long enough to want to make herself stop what she was doing.
Michelle broke the kiss and followed a trail down her neck as she unbuttoned her shirt, kissing the rise of her breasts and then cupping them with her hands until she felt like she was back home where she belonged.
Nicky had always been hers. Even when whey had just been friends, there had always been a connection. In every form, sexual, emotional or physical, they had merged, making their union so perfect it had been almost unreal.
As she ran her lips over her nipples, imprinting her mouth with the soft buds, she knew there was a greater reason why it was so easy for it to happen again. She unbuckled Nicky’s belt, opened the zipper and eased off her pants and then laid her back on her desk and made love to her.
She had been genuine when she’d said she’d gone to see Nicky for business reasons. The kiss and everything else that followed, it was not premeditated. It just happened, like there was an invisible pull that brought them together every time they were alone in a room. Neither one of them could explain it.
“Nicky.” Michelle said, holding Nicky in her arms after making love to her. Nicky was struggling to catch her breathe. She could not think yet, let alone let go. She needed to hold on, needed to let herself return to her body. Only one woman had the power to strip her of her sanity and that woman was holding her in her arms at that moment.
“I…” Michelle tried to say, but she also needed to relax. She could feel Nicky’s heartbeat under her own. It was fast and loud, just like her own.
“It has happened. Let’s not talk about it.” Nicky said as she pulled away. She took her clothes and started getting dressed.
“Nicky.”
“I think you should go.” Nicky told her.
“We need to talk.”
“Michelle.” She said softly as she put back her bra and fastened it.
“We don’t need to talk about anything.” The way she quickly dismissed what had happened between them hurt Michelle but she forced herself to understand. Turning away to conceal her hurt, she composed herself and then took her things and stepped out.
Nicky sat down and cursed softly. She had lost control again. She had to practice to be strong whenever she was around Michelle otherwise she was going to end up hurting Paula. She needed to once and for all suffocate everything she felt for Michelle, just kill it completely.
*
“If I wanted to do something different with my life, what would you suggest I do?” Nicky asked Lindsay.
“Are you thinking about changing your lifestyle?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“Maybe you could start with a change of career. You know none of us like what you do.”
“You resent it because its hard.” Nicky said defensively and Lindsay nodded in agreement.
“You’re good at everything Nicky, you still have a chance to do anything you wish to do with your life.”
“Maybe I should open up my own business, own something like the rest of you guys.”
“Just because you don’t own something, it doesn’t make you less successful. You’re surprisingly good at what you do despite how hard it is. That is why the magazine pays you so well.” She went quiet for a moment, thinking about Michelle. After she’d left, Lindsay had become her closest friend. She knew everything about her, but for some reason, Nicky wanted to keep what had happened with Michelle to herself. Something told her that not even Lindsay could understand it.
“Is everything okay?” She asked and Nicky quickly nodded.
“What’s that?” She asked as she took a hand drawn image.
“A sketch for my new line. It’s not complete, that’s why you can’t make it out yet.” Lindsay explained.
“How is Paula taking the whole thing of Michelle being back in your life again?” When Lindsay asked the question, Nicky’s head shot up as though Lindsay knew something but she immediately relaxed when she realized the question was just random.
“She’s okay. She told me they’re getting along.”
“Should she have something to worry about?” Lindsay asked, looking up.
“No,” Nicky said, shaking her head.
“You know she’s one of us now. T.K. is very fond of her. They’re like the best of friends.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” Nicky said, telling herself that everything was going to work out.
*
“Would you like to have dinner with me?”
“Are you asking me out?”
“Yes,”
“I would love to have dinner with you.” Nicky told Paula.
“Great, be at my apartment by eight.”
“Okay.” She said as she hung up the phone. Paula was an incredible woman and Nicky loved being with her. Even more, she loved being around her because she always knew how to lighten her mood. Despite her encounters with Michelle, she still wanted to be with Paula and she wanted to make herself believe that it wasn’t because she was the safer choice.
Michelle had always been a wonderful person. She’d always had a wonderful heart. She’d had the ability to make everyone around her feel important whether she knew them or not and taking that and using it to make Nicky feel like the most important person to her had been the best and worst experience.
Best because she’d made her so limitlessly happy throughout the time they had been together and worst because she’d left and taken it all with her. Having her back was not the easiest thing, especially having her back and reliving their sexual encounters.
“I thought of you every single day.” She heard Michelle say from the door and looked up.
“What?” She’d heard her, but she was startled and wasn’t sure whether she’d imagined the words.
“I thought of you every single day I was away. It was hard keeping in touch, knowing I couldn’t be there. I thought it would be easier if I just let you go.”
“Easier for who?” Nicky asked.
“For the both of us. I wanted us to stay together, Nicky. You know that. But you never wanted a long distance relationship so I let you break it off despite how much I resented that choice. It didn’t mean that I stopped caring about you.”
“You had a nice way of showing that.”
“I knew it would take a while for you to forgive me but I hope that someday you’ll be able to understand.”
“No, I won’t.” Nicky said, pushing away the nostalgic thoughts as she tried to concentrate on the here and now.
“Let’s get this over with.” She said, ignoring the look that came over Michelle’s face.
“I can’t pretend with you, Nicky. You see right through me. Whenever I’m around you, its not hard for you to guess what I want. That is not going to change any time soon.”
“But it’ll change eventually.” Nicky said in more optimism than she was feeling.
“Maybe, if you start pushing me away.” Michelle said and Nicky knew what she meant.
“Thanks for the heads up.” She retrieved a sample of the magazine and started explaining the procedure, the size of the page and the amount it would cost and Michelle keenly followed. Their meeting lasted an hour and when she got up to leave, she turned back to Nicky and said,
“Your heart was never yours to begin with. It was always mine from the very beginning. Not time, space or distance will ever change that.” The confidence in which she said those words made Nicky shiver in her seat. She did not want to think about the statement or what it meant. She did not even dare look up because she was afraid of what she would find in Michelle’s eyes.
After she walked out, Nicky closed her eyes and silently reminisced. Michelle couldn’t have chosen the worst time to get back. Nicky had to constantly remind herself of her departure and the effect it had had on her in order to keep herself sane.
After work, she went over to Paula’s. They had dinner and that night, Nicky failed to rise up to the sexual occasion. Her heart, mind, body and soul were not in it and she resented that Michelle was the reason behind it.
*
“Hey, hurry home.”
“Why?”
“I have a surprise for you.” Paula told Nicky.
She was in her car driving back to her apartment after a long day at work. Michelle’s advert had been put on the magazine so Nicky didn’t have to worry about seeing her at her office. Their breakfasts at the diner were few and when they happened to be there at the same time, it was rare and usually coincidental.
Lindsay had helped her get an apartment and settle in. T.K. had taken her shopping for furniture and other things she’d needed for the apartment and Nicky was doing her best to stay out of her way. It had been a month since she’d come back and everywhere she went, everyone was welcoming her back with open arms which didn’t come as a surprise.
After driving her convertible into parking, she got out and headed to the entrance of her apartment building. Her apartment was located on the second floor so most of the time she used to stairs instead of the elevator. She used her key to open and was welcomed by a delicious aroma.
“You’re home.” Paula said, walking over to her for a kiss. Nicky felt guilty for neglecting her when she was going out of her way to do nice things for her. Since her last meeting with Michelle, she couldn’t make love to her with as much passion as before which lowered her libido, making her desire for sex less.
“Yeah, you told me to hurry.” She wrapped her arms around Paula and froze when her eyes met Michelle’s in the sitting room. She hadn’t even noticed they had company.
“I invited Michelle over for dinner. I thought it would be nice for me to know her better since you two are still friends.” Paula’s intentions were good, but Nicky questioned Michelle’s.
“She said you don’t like surprises, but I thought she’d be a nice one because you two have hardly seen each other on a friendly level since she came back.”
“She was right. I don’t like surprises.” Nicky said, forcing niceness into her voice but making sure Michelle heard her.
“I was telling her about how we met.” Paula said, helping Nicky with the documents in her hands and keys.
“Were you, now?” Nicky asked, removing her coat.
“Yes, she’s good company.” Nicky looked at Michelle and found her smiling pleasantly back at them.
“I’ll go take a shower and change out of these clothes.” She told Paula and kissed her on the lips before she went to the bedroom. She took her time showering and changing and when she went back, she found Paula had finished making dinner and even gone as far as setting it on the table.
“You’re a wonderful hostess.” Nicky commended her when she walked into the room and saw the lovely presentation.
“Thank you.” Paula said.
“I saw the ad on the magazine, I wanted to thank you for it. I’ve started getting calls from interested clients.” Michelle informed Nicky. Despite how she felt about her, that bit of information made her happy.
“I’m glad for you.” She said as she sat next to Paula on the dining table.
“No business-talk on the dining table.” Paula said, interrupting them.
“Sorry.” Both Nicky and Michelle said in unison and then looked at each other and momentarily locked gazes.
“This is delicious, honey.” Nicky told Paula as she ate in appreciation.
“I’m glad you like it.”
“How did you learn to cook so well?” Michelle asked Paula and conversation started off. She was a lovely guest and knew when to talk, how to respond and how to present herself as a guest in Paula’s presence. Seeing her like that reminded Nicky of the before, which she wasn’t very fond of remembering.
After dinner, she stayed a bit longer, talking about everything but herself and she managed to keep Paula happy the whole evening. When it was time for her to go, Nicky asked her where her car was.
“I haven’t gotten one yet. I’ll just call a taxi.” Michelle said as she dialled a number for the taxi company.
“It’s too late, Michelle. We can’t let you take a taxi home.” Nicky nodded, agreeing with her girlfriend.
“I’m sure its perfectly safe.” She argued.
“Is your car here?” Nicky asked Paula, ignoring Michelle’s argument. She did not understand what the big deal was.
“T.K. dropped me off.”
“Looks like I’ll have to take you home myself.” She wanted to argue her way out of it, but there was no winning when both Nicky and Paula put their heads together so she walked out with Nicky.
“You know I wouldn’t volunteer to take you home myself if it was safe.” Nicky told her when they were in the convertible headed to Michelle’s apartment.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Michelle asked in sarcasm and Nicky lightened up. She’d been able to make the night a pleasant one so she did not deserve to be reprimanded for it.
“Thanks for being good to her.” She said.
“You care about her.” Michelle pointed out and Nicky nodded.
“It was nice of her to try and reach out, play nice with me.”
“Yeah,” Nicky said softly and drove the rest of the way in silence. When she got to Michelle’s apartment, she parked the car and waited for her to leave so that she could drive back home.
“Don’t you want to know which apartment I live in?” Michelle teased.
“Come on.” She said as she got out of the car and out of curiosity, Nicky followed her. They used the elevator and stopped on the seventh floor. Michelle led the way to her apartment and just like Nicky had expected, the interior was outstanding as the designer herself.
“I should hire you to redo my apartment.” She remarked as she looked around. Michelle went to the kitchen and started making coffee as she watched Nicky through the counter admiring her apartment.
“Coming from someone who works for an interior design magazine, I’ll take that as a compliment.” She said lightly and Nicky turned to face her. She walked over to the counter separating the kitchen from the sitting room and looked at Michelle.
She was standing next to the coffee maker and her gaze was locked in Nicky’s. She felt like the space between them was shrinking and was grateful that there was a thick wall separating them, although it would have been extremely easy to surpass it and do what they wished.
Nicky had said that she would work harder at pushing Michelle away and so far she had succeeded. If it hadn’t been for Paula’s intervention, neither one of them would have been there. She wondered if Nicky would stop her if she kissed her, if she undressed her, if she made love to her and the thoughts made her tighten her grip on the coffee maker.
“Stop that.” She said, reaching for a mug to pour her coffee.
“Stop what?” Nicky asked, not tearing her gaze from Michelle’s.
“Looking at me like that. You know it always made me feel like my soul was open to you.” Michelle placed Nicky’s cup of coffee over the counter.
“Does it still?” Nicky asked, despite the warnings in her head screaming for her to get out while she still could.
“Yes,” Michelle answered, taking her chance at rejection. She slowly walked out of the kitchen and went to stand against the wall next to the counter.
“This is your chance to push me away.” She softly warned Nicky and then slowly took a step after another until she was standing right next to her. Nicky straightened up so that they were almost touching and then she raised her hand and rested it at the name of Michelle’s neck.
“You know it’s not that easy.” She told her before she closed the gap and kissed her. Michelle responded with a fiery fire that had been burning deep beneath her since Nicky had started looking at her like that and wrapped her arms around her, surrendering herself to her heart’s utmost desire.
She took Nicky’s hand and led her to the bedroom and within seconds, they were both naked and Michelle was writhing and moaning in pleasure under Nicky.
“Stop.” She told her and Nicky thought she was kidding because she had barely started.
“What?” She asked as she continued to kissed her body, making Michelle almost bite back her words.
“I want you to stop.” Michelle told her and she did as instructed. She looked at Michelle, wondering if that was rejection she was looking at and a bolt of anger passed through her. When she was about to get off her, Michelle grabbed her hand and held her in place.
“I want you to make love to me.” Michelle told her and Nicky kissed her the moment she realized it wasn’t rejection.
“I want you to be slow, take me and make me yours.” Michelle said and Nicky did just that. She forced herself to be slow in spite of the rage threatening to break out of control within her. She kissed Michelle’s body with lips that had not been that soft or gentle with her since she’d left for Los Angeles and reunited their bodies.
It was intense, sanity defying and absolutely worth it. Only, when it was done, Nicky realized why Michelle had demanded for it. She’d wanted her to tap into her emotions, open up and feel everything all over again.
Michelle cuddled up beside her as though it was the most natural thing and Nicky wrapped her arms around her, realizing that what had happened could eventually contradict everything. Sex was one thing but making love was another. Sex, she could have without the emotional entanglements, making love on the other hand required a lot of love, control and effort. Those things, she did not have when it came to Michelle.
Like the night at the rooftop, she got up, got dressed and left her. She’d left Paula at her apartment and did not want to give her the impression that anything was going on. She got back home an hour later, took a shower and got in bed. Paula was already sleeping but when Nicky snuggled in beside her, she warmly welcomed her into bed.
*
The following weekend, Lindsay threw a party and invited everyone. She was launching her new line and everybody was excited about it. Nicky went with Paula and spent the whole night by her side, paying her undivided attention to her.
Paula enjoying being doted on, but Nicky was doing it because she felt guilty for what she was doing. When Michelle showed up, she pretended not to notice. They hardly spoke that night, but the place was crowded so it was hard for anyone to notice.
Her arms were around Paula all the time, and Paula exploited that and kissed Nicky every moment she got. The party was a success for Lindsay who managed to secure a spot at New York’s fashion week. When Nicky took Paula home, she made love to her like before but she had to separate her feelings from her physical needs in order to avoid thinking about Michelle.
Trying so hard to give Paula the love and attention she deserved became a bit tiresome. It felt pretentious to her and she resented it, resented herself for subjecting Paula through it. When she stopped, Paula started questioning her and it resulted into arguments.
When Lindsay invited her to New York, she happily went thinking she needed the time away. It was just for a couple of days but it was worth it. T.K. couldn’t go because she had to work and Michelle was busy at work since things had picked up.
The two days were a great release. She hardly got to spend time with Lindsay who was too busy doing last minute details with her designs but the time away was great and she enjoyed it. She attended the fashion show and tried to have fun but trying too much was getting hard.
Lindsay’s designs got great reviews and when they went back home, T.K. threw her another party. Paula got a bit drunk and started a fight with Nicky over how she was never around and even when she was it was like she was still not there and Nicky got upset.
“You can’t just walk away.” T.K. told her when she was leaving.
“I can’t handle her.” Nicky told T.K. looking back at the party to see Paula dancing between two women who had their hands all over her.
“You’ve not been there for her. She’s trying to reach out to you. It may not be the best way, but at least she’s trying.” T.K. argued and Nicky decided to stay. She went back to the party and dragged Paula out from between the two women.
“I need to get you home.” She told Paula who wasn’t thrilled by the idea.
“No, I’m staying. I’m having fun.” She argued. Nicky tried to talk some sense into her but Paula walked out on her and went back to the dancing floor, leaving her talking to herself. She saw T.K. looking at her, waiting for her to do something but at that point she was done trying.
She was heading home then halfway there, she took a U-turn and started driving towards Michelle’s address. The drive didn’t last long. She was agitated and anxious therefore did not have time to think through what she was doing. She got in the elevator, punched the seventh floor button and when the doors opened, she walked over to Michelle’s door and knocked. When there was no response to the first knock, she tried again and heard footsteps approaching. She was surprised when another beautiful woman opened the door for her.
“Hi, can I help you?” The beautiful woman asked and Nicky looked at how she was dressed. She had nothing on but a shirt that exposed almost everything underneath.
“Is Michelle here?” She asked and the beautiful woman flattered her eyelashes and nodded.
“Michelle?” She called out her name and Nicky pushed open the door and stepped in.
Michelle was just walking out of the bedroom when she saw Nicky and stopped. She was wearing a silky robe and from the situation, it was obvious that the two women had just come from having sex, or they were just about to although judging from the bubbly expression of the other woman, Nicky could tell she’d already had a good time.
She didn’t know what got into her. Maybe it was the fact that the two women in her life were driving her crazy, or maybe she just desperately needed it but without caring whether there was anyone else in the room, Nicky walked over to Michelle and kissed her.
She crushed Michelle’s lips with her own, barely giving her a chance to fight back or push her away and then slowed down the urgency of the kiss enough to let them both enjoy it. Michelle, who had been at the verge of pushing her away, gave in and clasped her arms around her neck, pulling her closer and kissing her back.
When she knew she’d gotten Michelle’s attention, Nicky pulled back and looked into Michelle’s eyes when she opened them to reveal what she strongly felt for her. The beautiful woman was surprised by the turn of events and ran to the bedroom, got her clothes and then ran out in a hurry. Nicky went and sat down at the counter as Michelle tried to run after her.
“Was that what you were trying to accomplish?” Michelle asked, sounding angry.
“I wanted to be alone with you, if that’s what you mean.” Nicky responded, turning to face her.
“You have no right to do this to me. Its either you want me or you don’t. You have to pick one. You can’t just come in here because you’re having a bad night and ruin it for me too.” Michelle complained.
“Is that what I’m doing? Ruining your night?” She asked her.
“Yes, that is what you’re doing. I don’t expect anything from you, but you should at least consider how I feel before you pull off some stunts.” Nicky knew she had no right. She had no right to anything when it came to Michelle but she couldn’t help it.
“You shouldn’t parade your love for Paula in my face like that when you know how I feel about you.” She was starting to feel like no matter what she did, she would always end up hurting someone. It was a no win situation. Paula was her girlfriend. She needed to be treated as so. But Nicky couldn’t do that when Michelle was around. She needed to be sensitive.
“I’m sorry.” She apologized, feeling guiltier by the minute.
“What are you doing here? I thought you’d be at the party.” Michelle said as she went to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water.
“I was.”
“So what? You were having a bad time and decided to show up here and share the burden?” It had been a while since she’d seen Michelle so upset and it was clear it had more to do with their affair rather than the woman who had just ran out a few moments back.
She got up from where she was seated and walked over to the kitchen. Michelle took a step back, not sure she was interested in whatever Nicky had in mind this time. Not after the little hurtful stunts she kept on pulling, like leaving her in the middle of the night, though she forced herself to understand that it had been necessary.
“I’m sorry.” She apologized again and Michelle decided to stand her ground. She’d just push her away if she tried to touch her.
“I don’t need your apologies.” She told her and Nicky stopped when she was standing right next to her. She looked at the silky robe Michelle was wearing and her flowing mass of gorgeous hair, she looked at the way the robe clung to her curves and was suddenly bothered by what she’d been doing with another woman in her apartment.
“Michelle.” She said softly but Michelle refused to look back at her.
“Did you fuck that woman?” She asked calmly. When Michelle refused to answer, she knew what the response was but she needed to hear it. So she took the last step and stood behind her, wrapping one arm around her waist and running the other one over her neck.
“Did you fuck her?” She asked again with a forced patience that Michelle recognized.
“Yes,” Michelle said and Nicky swiftly turned her around. She wanted to see the truth in her eyes and it blatantly stared back at her.
“Did she fuck you?” Nicky asked, almost desperately and waited for an answer.
“Tell me, damn it!” She yelled at once when Michelle took her time to answer. Not even slightly intimidated by her, but flattered by the fact that she was jealous, Michelle decided to tell her the truth though she’d wanted to lie to hurt her back which she realized now that she couldn’t.
“Nobody fucks me but you.” Her voice was softer than she’d intended it but it calmed Nicky’s features. She buried her face in Michelle’s neck and Michelle held her back.
“You can’t keep doing this to me.” She said as she ran her fingers through Nicky’s hair. She hugged her for a moment longer and then Nicky pulled back and kissed her. Michelle responded for a moment and then pushed her back.
“I hate what you do to me.” Nicky kissed her again after she said that.
“Do you hear me? I hate this.” She told her as she pushed Nicky back and walked out of the kitchen. She needed to be far away in order to think rationally. She couldn’t do so when her body demanded what Nicky was offering it. She needed to exercise her mind and learn how to use it whenever she was around Nicky.
“Michelle.” Nicky said desperately and Michelle turned to face her. She had that wounded look in her eyes, the one she could never turn away. She had gotten herself into this and she was going to have to get herself out.
“I hate what you make me feel.” At the words, Nicky walked over to her and hopelessly said,
“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to, but I beg you to let me stay here with you tonight. I don’t want to be anywhere else.” Michelle embraced her and didn’t really have much of a choice in the matter. When she pulled back, she touched Nicky’s face and pecked her cheek. Nicky pecked her back but desired to derive more pleasure from it so she started kissing Michelle’s neck, using her tongue to exploit her sensitive spots.
“It’s not fair.” She said in between gasps of pleasure.
“What isn’t?” Nicky asked as she opened Michelle’s robe and ran her hands over her body.
“You said you wouldn’t do anything I don’t want you to.” She stopped kissing her, but continued taunting her with her touch.
“Do you want me to stop?” She asked, trying to feign seriousness.
“Damn it! No.” Michelle said and Nicky resumed, taking her to the bedroom. Michelle undressed her and willingly got in bed with her. She thought Nicky was going to jump at the opportunity of sex with no emotions attached but was surprised when she took the initiative to be slow, attentive and loving.
“The difference between this time and those other times is that you’ll wake up in the morning and I’ll be right here.” She told Michelle before she made love to her. Despite how the night had began, it ended up well for both of them and as promised, Nicky spent the night.
The following morning when she woke up, she recalled everything and then stretched out, trying to feel around for Michelle. She was met by a cold empty space so she woke up, got a robe and went to the living room where she found Michelle setting breakfast on the table.
“Good morning.” Michelle said warmly and Nicky thought she was in a dream. That was how she’d always wished she’d wake up. It was hard to believe it was really happening.
“You’re so beautiful.” She told Michelle as she went over to her and kissed her.
“So are you.” Michelle said as she wrapped her arms around Nicky’s waist and deepened the kiss.
“This is how I always hoped it would be.” She whispered against her lips and Nicky wondered if she was stealing her thoughts. She sat down and Michelle served her before she went to take her own seat. She was wearing the robe she’d been wearing the previous night and the thought that she had nothing else underneath it made her appetite grow.
After a moment, she got up and went to the kitchen to get the coffee. When she set it on the table, Nicky grabbed her hand and pulled her closer. She opened the robe and kissed her navel as she pulled her down to sit on her laps.
“What are you doing?” Michelle asked as she buried her hands in Nicky’s hair.
“You made me hungry for something else.” Nicky said as she trailed her fingers over the outline of her pussy, making her inhale sharply at the touch.
“You’re irresistible.” She told her as she teased the sensitive flesh, making Michelle moan for her. She fiercely kissed her lips and moved inside her, letting herself imagine how happy she would be if she woke up to that every morning.
*
“I should get going.” T.K. said a while after Nicky got there. They were in Lindsay’s house cleaning up after the party.
“You sure you’re not leaving because I’m here?” Nicky asked in sarcasm, still fazed by T.K.’s unexplainable behaviour towards her.
“Why would she leave because you’re here?” Lindsay asked. She was so busy that she hardly noticed a difference in the atmosphere.
“Ask her. She’s the one who’s mad at me all the time.” Nicky responded, walking over to Paula who was silently cleaning up.
“Hey,” She said warmly, pecking Paula on the cheek and then turned in time to watch T.K. walk out.
“I’m I missing something?” Lindsay asked and Nicky wondered whether T.K. was still mad for walking out on Paula when she should have been there taking care of her.
“Nope, T.K. is just being, T.K.” Nicky said as she started cleaning up. They were at it for a few hours, then Paula left and went to work for a while, leaving Nicky with Lindsay.
“How is everything between you and Michelle?” She asked and Nicky immediately wondered if she knew something.
“Okay, I guess. Why?” She asked.
“No, reason. Just wanted to know if you two are getting along.”
“We are.” She said, remembering her passionate night with Michelle and the morning after. She couldn’t wondering what her friend would say if she knew about it. What would T.K. say? She Didn’t even want to imagine.
*
“I’m sorry about the way I behaved last night at the party.” Paula apologized that night. Nicky had gone to see her after she’d left Lindsay’s. For some reason she felt like she needed to settle everything that was going on in her life.
“It wasn’t your fault.” Nicky told her, trying not to think about what she’d done after she’d left the party.
“It was. We’ve been fighting so much lately and it’s because of such silly reasons. I’m a grown up, an adult, but I’ve been acting like a child in need of attention and affection.” Paula said and Nicky looked at her, knowing it must have taken a lot to admit something like that.
“I’ve been neglecting you.” She said, deciding to take part of the blame because it was her fault.
“We were okay. I can’t think of what happened, what changed between us.” Nicky could, but she couldn’t share her reason.
“I’m sorry. I’ll try and be a bit more there for you. You’re great to me.” And she wasn’t as equally great to her. Paula was in the kitchen making dinner. She paused to look at Nicky when she said that and then quickly looked away.
“Dinner is almost ready.” She said, changing the subject and Nicky inhaled the aroma.
“Smells great.” She said in appreciation as she went to set the table. In a few minutes, they were both seated having dinner and talking as casually as before. When it was done, Nicky helped Paula clean up but could not bring herself to stay and spend the night. It was like something was blocking her and she couldn’t help feeling like she was breaking a promise she’d just made.
She left Paula, claiming she was tired and Paula let her go without putting up a fight. On her way home, Nicky decided to take a detour and drove over to Michelle’s apartment. After parking her car, she walked over to the entrance and stopped for a minute.
Unlike the night before, she was rationally thinking and couldn’t just walk into Michelle’s house and perform another silly stunt as she had the night before. Michelle owed her nothing. So what was she doing there? She asked herself and more questions continued to parade themselves in her mind.
She walked over to the elevator anyway and in a couple of minutes, she was knocking on Michelle’s door. She had just left her that morning and it already felt like an eternity had already passed. She waited until the door opened and she froze when she saw the same beautiful woman from the previous night. This time the woman was fully dressed and she did not look at all pleased to see Nicky again either. Before Nicky could speak, she opened the door and let her in.
“I’m uh, sorry about last night.” She apologized when she noticed that Michelle was not there.
“Are you? Really?” The woman asked and Nicky hesitated. She was sorry she’d kissed Michelle in front of her, but she was not sorry for kissing her.
“I shouldn’t have kissed her in front of you.” She said and before the woman could respond, Michelle walked in and froze when she saw Nicky. Their gazes locked and memories of their night and the morning after embraced Nicky, making her happy to see Michelle again.
Michelle smiled back at her, oblivious to the other woman’s presence and felt like Nicky was pulling her closer with her gaze. She could feel her soul opening up, could see Nicky looking in to it and despite how exposed it made her feel, she didn’t look away.
“I’m gonna get going. You two seems to have some unsettled business.” The other woman said after noticing the lover’s silent communication.
“Wait.” Michelle said, being the first to break the contact as she walked out after the woman.
“Great! She’s gone.” Michelle said as she closed the door and leaned against it.
“You should go after her, if she means so much to you.” Nicky said, bothered by how much that woman’s presence got to her.
“Go after her?” Michelle asked, wanting to be sure if it was jealousy speaking.
“Yeah, don’t let me stop you.” Nicky said as she turned and faced away. Michelle smiled to herself and walked over to her. She wrapped her arms around Nicky’s waist.
“You won’t stop me?” She asked teasingly and Nicky hesitated. She turned to face Michelle and was about to give her a mouthful when Michelle shut her up with a kiss. Her lips were soft and her kiss was like a breathe of snow air. Follicles of hair stood up on her skin as she pulled Michelle closer and devoured her mouth with a hunger only she could feed.
“Just admit it. You’re jealous.” Michelle said against her lips and Nicky continued kissing her.
“I’m not jealous.” She said, running her hands over Michelle’s beautiful body. She was curious to know why that woman had been there a second night in a row but now that she had admitted that she wasn’t jealous, she had no place to demand for answers.
“The only thing I’ll admit to, is the fact that I do not want to share you with any other woman.” She said instead, softly touching Michelle’s face with her hands.
“I wanted to apologize to her for last night and tell her that things between us are not going to work out.” Michelle said, seeing more into Nicky than Nicky gave her credit for.
“I have a feeling that she doesn’t like me much.” Nicky joked and Michelle laughed.
“What are you doing here?” She asked out of curiosity. The previous night she’d understood her sudden appearance at her door, but that night she couldn’t. Nicky still couldn’t admit to feeling anything for Michelle, so it couldn’t be because she’d missed her, or merely because she wanted to be with her.
“I wanted to see you.” Nicky told her and then kissed her, making Michelle’s mind a little foggy.
“Can we talk tonight? Just sit down and talk without being intimate? I miss that.” Michelle requested in between Nicky’s passionate kisses.
“You want to talk?” Nicky asked, not sure she wanted that. What would they talk about? How much fun she’d had in Los Angeles building homes for celebrities? Meeting new people? Hooking up with them?
“I don’t want to talk.” She said as she broke the kiss and followed a trail down her neck.
“Nicky, please. I want to know that you don’t like me just for sex.” Feeling like she’d been pushed into a corner, she pulled back and looked Michelle.
“There is nothing else between us.” Nicky reminded her.
“We were always friends first.” Michelle said, concealing her pain at the simple blow.
“Were, Michelle. That was three and a half years ago.”
“We can still recapture it. I want to know what I’ve missed in that period of time.” Nicky looked at her and realized that revisiting the past was only going to reopen closets full of feelings and emotions she’d locked away.
“My definition of missing something is being unable to recapture it. What is this to you Michelle? Do you want us to get back together? Is that what this is?” She asked, suddenly feeling like she was in a small box and she wanted to fight to get out.
“Would it be so wrong for me to say that I do want that someday even if its not today?” Michelle asked, trying not to show how much what Nicky was saying affected her.
“You can’t just come back and expect it all to go back to the way it used to be. I’m with Paula now. She loves me. She’s a great woman.” She might have been neglecting her, but she’d never thought of leaving her.
“I love you too.” Michelle said, revealing what she still felt for the first time since she’d gotten back. Nicky felt herself turning pale, then a sudden rush of heat went through her. It had been so long since she’d heard Michelle say those words to her.
“You can’t say that.” She said, taking quick short steps away from her.
“Why not?” Michelle asked, already feeling heartbroken and Nicky walked up to her and said,
“Because it’ll make me start doing stupid things, it’ll make parts of me that have been tightly shut since you left start opening up, it’ll make me…” She stopped and surprised Michelle by kissing her. Michelle kissed her back, opening up herself to the risk of getting hurt but her heart trusted Nicky.
“It’ll make me want you to say it over and over again.” Nicky told her and Michelle smiled, hoping that was an invitation to the possibility of them being together again.
“I love you.” She said and Nicky smiled. She couldn’t say it back, not yet anyway. The timing and the situation were all wrong.
“Then don’t ask me to restrain myself anymore because it’s killing me right now how much I want you.” Michelle kissed her and quickly started undressing her. Their sex life had always been great and the distance and time apart had only super charged it. Nicky undressed her too and led her to the bedroom. She had never grown tired of wanting Michelle, had never even sexually desired anybody else. That explained her sudden disinterest in her sex life with Paula.
*
Nicky tried to rebuild her broken relationship with Paula and things between them started getting better. Paula wasn’t as demanding as she’d earlier on been and T.K. was starting to come around. Lindsay was always busy but when she could, she spent time with them.
Michelle tried not to think about the fact that she was the other woman in Nicky’s life and convinced herself that it was better than nothing but every time Nicky went to see her, she couldn’t help thinking about her with Paula.
They had breakfast several times at their usual diner and every time she saw them together, her heart broke. She wanted Nicky and she wanted her to herself. That little fact made her resent Paula for being so lucky to have her.
Nicky played the role of being Paula’s girlfriend as best as she could. When they slept together, their sex life was nothing compared to the fireworks she always had with Michelle. She tried to get away as often as she could and Michelle always welcomed her with open arms, which made it easy for her to stay with Paula.
*
On one particular night, Nicky decided to go over to Paula’s. She always made great dinner and their relationship was better than before. She found T.K. there and was pleased as always to see how much their friendship had blossomed. T.K.’s attitude towards her had changed, though at time Nicky still felt like T.K. resented her.
After talking for a while, Paula went to warm up dinner and Nicky followed her to the kitchen. Unlike her kitchen and Michelle’s, Paula’s was a closed room with no counter therefore there was privacy.
“What are you doing?” Paula asked as she laughed when Nicky playfully wrapped her arms around her stomach and started teasing her.
“We have company.”
“She’s a friend, you’re my girlfriend, she understands.” Nicky said as she ran her hands over Paula’s body, shutting her up with a kiss.
“Come on. Stop it.” Paula said giggling and then they both heard a loud bang of a door which clearly indicated that T.K. had just walked out.
“What’s her problem?” Nicky asked Paula who shook her shoulders when they went back to the sitting room to find it empty.
*
“I can’t do this with you anymore.” Michelle told Nicky. She’d gone to see her at her office because she knew there would be fewer chances of Nicky changing her mind.
“What are you talking about?” Nicky asked as she got to her feet.
“I can’t continue sleeping with you when you’re sleeping with her.” Michelle said, resenting how bitter she’d become.
“What?” Nicky asked in disbelief.
“I love you. I’ve more than proved it by allowing you to come and go as you wish but I can’t do it anymore.”
“What do you want me to do?” Nicky asked. If she’d ever wanted to let Michelle go, it would have been on her own terms, not on Michelle’s.
“Be with me. Just me and not in secret because I’m tired of hiding.”
“Michelle, I can’t hurt Paula. I can’t leave her.” Nicky said, wondering why she was demanding for that now.
“Then we’re done.” Michelle said softly.
“You can’t just walk in here and demand something like that. I can’t leave Paula. It’s not as easy for me as it was for you.” Michelle felt the blow punch the air off her lungs.
“I did not leave you.”
“Yes you did. You got a new job and gave me only two options. Long distance relationship or break up and all I did was give you what you wanted.” Michelle looked at her in surprise. Did she really think that? Did she really think she’d wanted them to break up?
“What other option was there?” She asked.
“You never asked me to come with you.” She’d never even considered it. Uprooting Nicky from the world she knew and loved to take Michelle half across the nation for a job? She’d never thought of making her sacrifice that much.
“I never thought you’d say yes.” She said, suddenly feeling like she was making a mistake for demanding so much from Nicky.
“I loved you. I would have done anything for you. That was why I wrote back every time you wrote to me. It wasn’t easy, but I did it.”
“I want you back in my life. I know I’m asking for too much, and it probably might not happen, but I want you to understand how hard it is for me to watch you with Paula when the love I feel for you suffocates me.”
“You might leave again.” Nicky said and Michelle saw the fear in her eyes. The fear to love again, the fear to allow herself to be free and it was all her fault. How could she take it away? How could she prove that this time, she knew better?
“I love you.” It was all she could say.
“I won’t make the same mistake twice.” She couldn’t dare.
“If you love me, then give me time. I need time.” Nicky said as she walked over to Michelle and embraced her.
“You can’t just ask me to do something like that and expect me to do it immediately.” The statement meant that she was going to do it, which made Michelle happy. She tightened the hug and cried.
“I’ll do it, but I need some time.” Nicky reassured her and dreaded the moment when she’d have to face Paula and tell her that she wanted to break up with her because she was happier being with her ex girlfriend.
“I’m sorry I left. I should have asked you to come with me. I should have stayed in touch. I should have done something different.” Michelle started apologizing and Nicky kissed her cheek, trying to calm her down.
“It happened. We can’t change it. But we can work on the future.” Michelle smiled through the tears and Nicky took her back in her arms.
*
“It’s been a week.” Nicky complained as she followed Michelle to the kitchen.
“I know. Its hard for me too.” Michelle said, enjoying the look on Nicky’s face.
“You can’t withhold sex from me to make me break up faster with Paula. It’s unfair.” Nicky complained.
“At least we get t work on our talking and listening skills.” Michelle teased.
“I’m not good at that. Whenever I’m around you, my libido is supercharged and I can’t think straight. I can’t restrain myself any longer. I want you.” Nicky said as she moved closer to her and kissed her before she could speak. Michelle responded, trying not to let herself be swayed by Nicky’s pleadings. She was dying to be with her too. She missed every aspect of their love making, but she was practicing self discipline. It had nothing do with Nicky breaking up with Paula, though that was how it seemed.
“Try to restrain yourself a bit longer.” Michelle told her and Nicky bit her lip. She let go off Michelle, thinking she couldn’t spend another minute in a room with her without wanting to take her clothes off and left.
*
Nicky left work early and decided to go over to Paula’s, deciding she was ready to break up with her. She had a speech prepared in her head. Paula would probably hate her for a while, T.K. too, but then they would come around eventually. Or maybe not. She could not predict how things would work out after she revealed the truth. She couldn’t figure out what to do first. Break up with Paula, then tell her about Michelle, or just break up and stop there, she’d come to find out about Michelle on her own. No. She deserved better than that. Michelle deserved better.
She drove her car into parking and looked at Paula’s apartment which was on the ground floor. She retrieved her keys and when she was about to get out, she saw the light go on and stopped, wondering if Paula had just gotten home.
She saw Paula through the window walking from her bedroom and her blood froze when she saw T.K. walk out from the bedroom behind her. She wrapped her arms around Paula then turned her around to kiss her. At that moment, she understood the close friendship.
A pang of betrayal passed through her and she wanted to get out of her car, kick open the door and give them both a piece of her mind, but decided she was not that type of person though it didn’t make her any less angry.
She started her car and drove out of there in shock and disbelief. She went over to Michelle’s and a warm feeling of happiness overcame her when she opened the door and met her with a smile. She kissed her lips then walked in, thinking about what she’d just witnessed.
“Are you okay?” Michelle asked her and Nicky couldn’t tell her before she digested the information and learned to accept it.
“No, but I don’t want you to ask me what ‘s wrong because I can’t tell you. I still can’t bring myself to believe it yet.” Michelle sat down on the couch beside her, wondering what Nicky was talking about.
“I’m here for you.” Michelle told her in understanding, knowing whatever it was, Nicky was going to tell her eventually.
“I know we have the no sex rule but I want to spend the night here with you.” She told Michelle who was already nodding before Nicky could finish off her request.
“I promise I won’t try anything funny.” Nicky said.
“I don’t think I would mind even if you did.” Michelle told her and Nicky smiled and hugged her. She spent the night there and kept her word. She did not try to touch Michelle all through the night, but the following morning the fact that she failed to try got Michelle a little bit frustrated.
“Are you upset with me?” Nicky asked her the following morning during breakfast.
“Should I be?” Michelle asked, feeling mad at herself for being irritated by the fact that Nicky had kept her word.
“I don’t think I’ve done anything to make you so.” Nicky said.
“You didn’t even try.” Michelle admitted.
“What?” Nicky asked, not sure she was following.
“You didn’t even try to touch me.” She complained and Nicky started laughing.
“Wait, you’re mad at me for doing something you asked me to?”
“I’m mad at you for sleeping in the same bed with me and not doing as little as kiss me.” Michelle said as she walked out of the living room and went to the bedroom. Nicky knew she shouldn’t have been laughing because Michelle was genuinely upset, but she couldn’t help it.
“Michelle, honey, come on.” She said as she followed her to the bedroom.
“You slept in the same bed with me.” She said the words as though she was accusing her of something.
“You think I didn’t want to touch you? Michelle, I’ve been dying to be with you every single day since you walked back into my life. Last night was not any different.”
“Last night you spent the night with me.” Realizing there was no way she could win the argument, she inhaled and exhaled and then walked over to her.
“You’re the only woman I desire. Last night I wanted to be with you, just like I do every other night. When I explain what happened before I came here, you’ll understand why I kept my word on that specific night. Right now I have to go.” She said, pecking her lips quickly before she left.
*
In the next one hour, she went home and changed into fresh clothes and then she went to T.K.’s barbershop. It was busier than she’d expected it to be so early in the morning but she was glad that T.K. was there. She’d probably left soon after Nicky had left to avoid dodging into each other.
“I need to talk to you.” She told T.K. after she walked into the barbershop. She was busy attending to a client but Nicky didn’t care.
“I’m busy.” T.K. told her.
“I need you to tell me how long you’ve been fucking my girlfriend behind my back.” She said loudly enough for everyone to hear. The whole room went completely silent and Nicky could see the surprise in T.K. It took her a second to stop what she was doing and lead Nicky into her office.
“How did you find out?” T.K. asked and Nicky couldn’t help looking at her with resentment. It would have been different had Paula been having an affair with any random person but T.K. was one of her best friends.
“I came for answers, not questions.” She told T.K.
“I’m sorry. I know it looks bad. Paula and I tried to end it.” T.K. started explaining but she wasn’t giving the information that Nicky wanted.
“How long?” She demanded and T.K. looked at her with guilt.
“Since the night you walked out on her at the party.” Nicky looked at her, recalling that night.
“She was drunk.”
“I’ve always been in love with her. I blurted it out after you left, I thought she wouldn’t remember, but she did and she acted on it.” Nicky tightened her jaw in infuriation.
“Why were you so mad at me when you were fucking her behind my back?” She asked in anger.
“You never deserved her. You took her for granted, never cared enough to stick around. Something else was always more important. But to me, she was the only important thing. I am sorry that I betrayed you. I know you may never forgive me, but I am not sorry that I love her.” She spoke about love so confidently.
“Does she love you back?” T.K. hesitated as though revealing the truth would only hurt Nicky more.
“Does she?”
“She does.” T.K. said. Nicky looked at her and then turned to leave.
“Nicky, wait.” T.K. said, suddenly nervous and apologetic.
“I love you. I do. But I’m in love with her.” She told Nicky.
“Don’t tell her I know.” Nicky said and T.K. looked at her in confusion.
“Don’t tell her that I know about you two.” Nicky repeated and then walked out knowing T.K. felt too guilty to betray her again. Nicky wasn’t angry about them being together, she would have wanted to be because it would have proved that she cared that much about Paula, but she wasn’t. The only thing she felt was betrayed.
*
She called Paula after that and told her to meet her at her apartment. Everything made sense to her now as she headed there. Paula’s attitude towards her after the party, she’d become less demanding, less there, though because of her devotion, she’d stuck around.
She understood why T.K. had been at her apartment that night Nicky had gone to see her and why she’d walked out when Nicky had been in the kitchen with Paula. By the time she got to the apartment, she had replayed the whole situation over and over again in her head until she understood and knew exactly what to say.
“Is something wrong? You sounded strange on the phone.” Paula told her when she got to the apartment.
“Do you love me?” She asked and Paula looked at her strangely.
“Of course I do. Why would you ask me something you already know?” Paula said but Nicky could see it now. She did love her, but she was in love with someone else.
“Are you in love with me?” She asked, wondering if Paula would lie to keep from hurting her.
“Of course I am. Nicky, are you okay?” She asked.
“I want you to tell me the truth because it will be easier for the both of us. I want you to stop protecting me because you’ve been doing that for long enough and start telling me the truth.” Nicky told her and Paula’s expression broke into confusion and then realization.
“It’s okay.” Nicky said as she walked over to her and hugged her.
“I came home early yesterday and saw you and T.K. together.” She told her and felt her go tense in her arms.
“I went to confront her, but I left there knowing that she loves you and this is not just an affair.” She explained and Paula pulled back.
“We wanted to tell you.” She revealed.
“I wasn’t good to you, so I understand your part. But T.K. she was my friend. I can forgive you, but I can’t forgive her. Not yet.” She said, touching Paula’s cheeks.
“I want you to know that you have my blessings if you want to be with her.”
“Why would you accept it so easily?” Paula asked as tears fell down her cheeks.
“Because I don’t deserve you and because I love you and care about your happiness.” Nicky told her. They spent the morning part of the day talking and Pula explained everything from how it had begun to where it had reached. Nicky kept her truth to herself knowing she needed the right time to reveal it all.
After they talked, she went to Michelle’s office and explained everything. Michelle was understanding but felt embarrassed for how she had behaved that morning after Nicky explained to her that she couldn’t try anything after she’d just seen her girlfriend with her best friend. It would have felt like she was doing it for vengeance, when Michelle meant more to her than that.
“Now that I know the truth, you don’t have to restrain yourself anymore.” Michelle told Nicky, who wanted to revert roles and make her experience what she’d experienced.
“Are you saying that I can make love to you?” Michelle nodded as she kissed her and started undressing her.
“We can be together even if I haven’t told any of my friends that we’re sleeping together?” She asked, just to be sure.
“Yes,” Michelle said impatiently and Nicky stopped her hands from moving around her body because it was turning her on and making her resent what she was about to do.
“Good, because it’s my turn now.” She said.
“What?” Michelle asked in confusion.
“It’s my turn to practice self discipline. No sex until I say I’m ready.” She said and saw Michelle’s expression break.
“Are you kidding me?” She asked in disbelief.
“No, honey. I’m not.” Michelle’s expression saddened and Nicky touched her chin and made her look into her eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that then deny me sex.” Michelle said and Nicky laughed softly.
“I have to look at you this way because I love you.” A softer touched look came upon her face and Nicky smiled at her.
“That’s right. I’m in love with you. I actually always have been.” She stated, unable to remember ever not feeling that way.
“And you’re telling me this now? And you won’t even have sex with me?” Michelle asked as though she’d just been slapped across the face.
“Like I said, it’s my turn to practice self discipline.” Nicky said, kissed her and then pulled away.
“Now say you love me back before I go to work.” Michelle’s fierce look made her laugh even more but she said the words anyway because she was happy to know that Nicky still loved her.
“I love you but I hate this game you’re playing with me.”
“It ought to teach you a lesson.” She said and then walked out. Despite wanting to play that silly little game, she was dying to be with Michelle again and knew she wouldn’t last long without wanting to be with her again.
*
“I’m in love with Michelle and we’re back together.” Nicky told Lindsay a couple of days later. News of her break up with Paula had traveled fast but she didn’t know if Paula had taken the initiative to take her relationship with T.K. public.
“What? What is going on with everybody?” Lindsay asked in disbelief.
“You already know about what happened with Paula. She’ll be happier with T.K. It’s time I had my happily ever after as well.”
“I knew there was something deeper between those two. You must be mad at T.K.”
“I’m not, which is surprising. I feel happy and alive. I don’t want to keep my love for Michelle a secret anymore.”
“I always knew you two would get back together. You were so perfect for each other.” Touched by the compliment, she walked over to Lindsay and said,
“I need you to do me a favour.”
“Anything.” Lindsay said and Nicky explained what she wanted.
“I think we’re starting to have a few too many of those.” Lindsay said after Nicky had explained everything.
“Will you do it?” She asked.
“Of course I will. Do you want me to invite Paula and T.K.?” She hesitated and then asked.
“We ended things on a friendly basis and T.K. owes me so yeah, invite them. Invite all my friends, Even those who hate me. I want them to bask in my happiness.”
“What about Michelle?”
“I’ll take care of her invitation.” Nicky said, imagining how it would belike.
“Tonight? Are you sure?”
“Yes, Lindsay. I’m sure. I can’t be without her a second longer.” She said as she pecked her friend on the cheek and then walked out.
*
Lindsay threw the party and invited everyone. Paula and T.K. seemed to have worked things out and were now together. They looked happy being open and in public. Nicky arrived a couple of hours after the party had started and as much as she disliked being a crowd person, that night she did not let it bother her.
She had told Michelle to call her when she arrived and she was now on her way. Nicky waited anxiously, knowing exactly what she had to do. She had not told anybody. Even Lindsay didn’t know why Nicky had wanted a party when she didn’t like being in crowds.
Paula and T.K approached her and she congratulated them for being together and being in love. T.K. kept on apologizing but Nicky was filled with so much joy that she kept telling her there was nothing to apologize for. She had no reason to feel guilty for loving someone better than Nicky had been able to so she didn’t need to apologize and Nicky made her see that.
After they had made up and everyone was energetic and lively and enjoying themselves. Michelle called her to announce that she had arrived. Nicky told her to wait for a few minutes, that she would call her and tell her when to come in and Michelle waited, even though she wasn’t sure what was going on.
“Everyone, may I have your attention please.” She said after telling Lindsay to turn down the music. Everyone turned their attention to her and smiling, she made her announcement, telling the world that she was in love with Michelle and the reason why everyone was there was because she wanted them to help her celebrate it.
There were gasps of shock from a few people, Paula and T.K. included, but Nicky was too happy to feel sorry for having loved Michelle her entire life. After telling everyone, she called Michelle and told her to walk in through the front entrance.
After a moment, she walked in and everyone watched as Nicky walked over to her and kissed her. Michelle was surprised at first, but her love for Nicky immediately responded. She didn’t realize everyone was watching them until Nicky pulled away and presented her to the crowd.
“I love you.” She told her and then broke into laughter and screamed it out loud for everyone to hear.
“I love her!” After a moment of prolonged silence, the crowd started applauding and Nicky kissed her again.
“Isn’t this what you wanted?” She whispered to Michelle.
“When I said tell your friends, I only meant T.K. and Lindsay. Not the entire city.” Michelle said, deeply touched that Nicky would go so out of her way to make her happy.
“Guess what this means?” She told Michelle who was still too dazed to think rationally.
“We can have sex!” Michelle raised her eyebrows in joy as Nicky took her hand and led her out before she told the crowd to enjoy the party. She took Michelle to her apartment and remade every promise that had been broken, healing everything single second of those three years that they had been apart.
Their night was magically amazing and sexually satisfying and fulfilling. The two weeks they had gone without sex had been worth it because when they made love that night, fireworks unlike any they’ve ever seen exploded, shattering both their worlds into a tiny million pieces.
End
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