I am Nobody. I feel nothing am invested in nothing. I am just the messenger.
She was raped today by a woman. A straight woman who had said she’d fallen in love with her and who wanted to lick her all over the last time they had met. It never occurred to her that this woman would actually be dangerous.
It all happened so fast. They were sitting on the couch and all of a sudden the woman was on her. She tried to get up but got pushed down again. The woman’s tongue was in her mouth and her hand was down her pants. Schoooop and she was gone, watching the whole thing from a comfortable safe distance. She was frozen. The woman had no clue what she was doing, this distanced part laughed. Hahah, straight women they just so do not get it. Any more than we get their sexuality.
Odd, noticing that and laughing. Like a teacher evaluating for a grade. C minus hah. Cardinal rule for lesbians: straight girls are really of no use when it comes to sex. Hahhahah.
Frozen, she couldn’t move. What was going on was frankly just ridiculous to the watching parts. But she couldn’t get away because she was frozen in stone. At some point somebody said “okay, seriously, this is not okay” and was able to sit up. The woman seemed confused, as if she was giving her a gift. She had no malice, just the idea that she was probably “curious” (god hate that excuse for bad behavior) was indeed in loveish with her. Which would have to include sex in her mind so there it went. She had no Ill intention and so misunderstands sex with women that she just assumed that because she had this lesbian in front of her that she would be into it too. Consent must have seemed implied. She said okay well happy valentine’s day and laughed.
Unfortunately meaning no harm does not Mean that no harm is done. They don’t know where they are. She somehow got home and that’s where she is now. She has shut down for the time being in order to keep safe, which the Furies will ensure. They will get her thru this time until things make sense again.
She cannot really speak but I emailed her therapist to give her the news. Seemed like a good idea. Therapist says to do her grounding stuff and go thru the coping list and to call If that’s not working. Which is reassuring because right now she really needs to be let alone. That her therapist has confidence in her enough to take care of herself is an empowering thing to me.
She doesn’t seem to be bleeding from anywhere or anything. She’ll be fine. She is just very, very triggered at the moment. Not all of her sexual abuse happened with men, so you can imagine the confusion.
She has a dangerous job. She works with very unbalanced animals, some of them very strong and with huge anger issues. She’s been bitten more times than she can count. But it never occurred to her that a human client wouldn’t be safe.
They will not allow this little wrinkle to kick themselves back into the dark ages. This needs to be kept in it’s proper perspective. It is mostly a harmless misunderstanding with one more attachment disordered client.
It is the past that makes it a problem. They will persevere. In a day or so they’ll likely be talking again, the flashbacks will recede and the price will go up on this client. All will be well. It’s just these few hours to deal with.
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