If being a lesbian weren’t tricky enough, it’s hard not to notice that our friends and lovers look eerily alike. How’s a girl supposed to know who to be jealous of, when her partner’s so-called, friends bare a striking resemblance to all of her exes and even to herself, with the most noteworthy similarity being that they’re all female. Yikes! It’s crazy, I tell you.
To make matters worse, lesbians insist on staying friends with their exes much of the time, after the obligatory post breakup, cool down period. New girlfriends are forced to confront their beloved’s exes with a smile on their face, while imagining the two of them together in a liplock. Yikes again! Is this insanity?
For awhile I thought I’d solved this Rubik’s Cube of a social dilemma by hanging out with gay men. How simple is that? Gay men pose no romantic threat, and they are also stronger and often taller, being capable of reaching things on that top shelf of your pantry. And if that’s not enough reason to embrace our gay brethren, they’re also gifted decorators and can give invaluable advice about how to dress for a special occasion. My only problem with this solution is that it is often temporary, as you wind up missing your own kind. Lesbos need lesbos, it seems. I guess there’s no perfect fix.
So shoot me, but I tend to like a certain kind of woman. The women I befriend look a lot like the women I romance. I know what you’re thinking. I would cry foul, but we both know you’re right. Attraction is attraction, and for this reason I have carried a secret torch for years, for some of the women I call my friends.
Oops, now the Jeannie is out of the bottle, and every one of my friends who reads this blog is worried. Such is the nature of blogs and friendship. Deal already! You can’t be sure you’re the one I’m talking about. Get over yourself.
The good news is I never act on these emotions out of respect for my partner and my committment to monogamy. Cheating is not my bag, but then, neither is hanging out with lesbians I am not attracted to, simply to keep my partner from having an anxiety attack. Those worries go with the territory of being a lesbian, unless you’re either super well-adjusted, or oblivious to such things. Unfortunately, I am neither, so, over the years I have learned to cope with my girlfriends’ crushes on their friends. Funny thing is, they think you don’t know they’re attracted to her, but they always forget how well you know them. We love to fool ourselves, don’t we.
In our defense, isn’t it true that humans bond with people they’re attracted to, with physical compatibility being a component of that chemistry. And since I like women, the lines blur somewhat, as on any given day, if I allow my imagination to run free, I may wind up in bed with a friend, in my dreams. So spank me already, I’m bad. But I bet I’m not alone.
Given my ramblings and the fact I’m sure I’m not the only lesbo who understands this situation, it is no wonder we all fear “the other woman.” In the lesbian world, everywhere we turn, she is standing right there. She’s our neighbor, our best friend, our business associate, our realtor and our nurse. It’s no surprise that any intelligent lesbo would be a little paranoid given those circumstances.
But you knew when you signed up, that being a lesbian was not for sissies. With that said, you have no choice but to deal with it and puff up like a peacock as proud as you can, believing that she’d be crazy to go elsewhere when she has the best already. On some days, I can actually do this for myself. But on other days, when my hair looks bad or my checkbook balance is low, it is much harder to maintain that bravado.
So, never, ever, whine in that defensive voice, that she’s just a friend, when your girlfriend gives you that knowing look. Because she gets it. And the reason she gets it, is so obvious, that she has no right to say a word. Your beloved gets it because she has girlfriends too, and she knows about those daydreams you have, and it scares her. The only thing you can do to reassure her, is to love her so well that she finally starts to trust you with your crushes, because she feels safe and knows you’ll always come home to her.
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