For Christmas this year, all I really want is some perfect moments. You know what I’m talking about. I want those pockets of time when, for an hour or a few minutes, nothing is worrying me and I am embraced by a feeling of peace. As corny as it sounds, sitting in front of a fire with my girlfriend next to me and our dogs scattered about the room does it for me. No, I’m not a ninety-year old lesbian who has lost my zest for life. But I’ve learned that there is something to be appreciated about being still and drinking in certain feelings, savoring the perfection of simple pleasures that so often elude us when we are always in a hurry.
I’ve spent most of life chasing things that I thought would make me happy. For a large portion of my life, I bought into the mania of conspicuous consumption that we’ve all been tempted by, falsely believing that if I lived in the right house, drove the right car and surrounded myself with plenty of toys, then I’d be happy. It’s funny how busy you can keep yourself striving for this hollow excuse for a life. Personally, I can barely keep up with the technology. It drives me crazy trying to figure it all out. I still don’t have an iPod. I know what you’re thinking and you’re right. I am truly living in the past with my CDs. But I’ve stopped apologizing for it at least. Judge me as you will.
When it’s all said and done and the holidays are over for another year, I want to move into the new year remembering the satisfaction and love I felt sitting by the fire in the arms of a soft woman. The crowded malls and 40lb. newspapers dripping with advertisements do not impress me, and instead leave me agitated and as far from jolly as a person can be. Wouldn’t it be grand if we could all go back to the days when you actually made a gift for the people you love with your own two hands. Stop snickering. Some people still do that. And yes, I would rather get a tin of homemade cookies than a new IPhone or iPod or whatever else is the latest gadget de jour.
Bet you’re wondering if I made all my gifts, thinking I am probably all talk and no action. Well, the truth is, I did make a lot of my gifts. Or rather, I wrote a book of poems for my family and close friends. I know how nerdy that makes me sound, but I have decided to embrace that aspect of my personality in the name of self-love and good mental health, something else that has also eluded me at times. Plus, somebody told me that lesbians are supposed to write a lot of bad poetry, being the serious, cause-oriented women that so many of us are. Since I’m not a huge fan of bumper-stickers like so many lesbians are, I’ll stick with my poetry. Hope I didn’t offend you lesbos with twenty bumper stickers on your car. NOT!
So pipe down already if you are laughing at me. I know we’re in a recession and that all good Americans need to spend money to get the economy back on its feet. Maybe we should all chip in and save the healthcare system or spend the money we waste on trinkets and new cameras to fund solar and wind energy projects. Wouldn’t that be a good idea. I know. Too hard to wrap, right?
Don’t worry. You don’t have to read my book of poems. Nobody much reads poetry anymore. My wish for you is that you slow down enough during the holidays to experience some poetry first hand in those perfect moments of each day.
Happy Holidays.
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