Dec 13th 2009
This weekend has been filled with miracles, love, happiness and relaxation…For which I’m sincerely thankful and grateful from the bottom of my heart…
I’m so very pleased to report that my Brother and I are getting along exceptionally well…Last night he actually came to me for some comfort , while shedding many tears and with deep pain in his heart…I felt honored indeed…I was gentle and compassionate with him of course, I listened mostly and only shared my wisdom with him when he would ask me to…This is remarkable progress for him and I! I discovered something rather amazing about him as well, that he and I love in a very similar way…We both love very deeply and with all of our hearts and souls…I had no idea! Anyway, he expressed his sadness and shared the fact that he has lost his soulmate…I’ve never heard anything of this nature from him before…He told me that he loved this particular girl so much because she is a very good and loving person and described her as being very comparable to me…Which my Sunshine said that her and I were very much alike as well…Upon meeting my Brother’s girlfriend Sunshine told me that she fell instantly in love with her and thoroughly enjoyed her company…
So what do you know, I thought my Brother has always despised me for being the way that I am…And now from his mouth to my ears, he tells me that the very reason that he loves this girl so much, is because her character resembles mine so closely…Words couldn’t begin to express how dumbfounded I am by this revelation…All of this time, my Brother was actually paying attention after all, and amazingly enough he tells me that he deeply respects me for my courageous character and remaining true to myself (As a lesbian) when I was under such pressure to be otherwise…Wow, is the best expression that I can come up with at this very moment…And you know? It’s funny how fate and destiny play their parts throughout our lives…In the last year, I’ve been severely overcome with emotion and heartache, which ultimately led me to seek the help that I needed…But I had become mentally exhausted by the knowledge of my Brother’s return also…And yet miracles never cease to happen either…My Brother is home and I’m sharing my recovery knowledge and the 12 steps with him so he can recover from his profound addictions too…Plus I’ve begun discussing our family’s mental issues and inherited characteristics with him as well…Although I must be careful and patient to only speak with him about something that intricate and personal when he wishes to communicate openly and honestly…
I stood in my front yard today looking with amazement and wonder at my beautiful new driveway that my Brother made for me…So I can park my car without having to step in sand or dirt anymore…Plus, he raked up all the leaves in the yard too…I find that I’m now overcome and at a loss for words to say anything more about my Brother at this time…
Therefore, moving on…
Ashton and I had a beautiful time together yesterday…Truthfully, I’ve been thoroughly enjoying my family’s company very much lately…Again a miracle in itself…And I find that my heart is overflowing with peace, love and happiness…For which I’m forever grateful…
Amidst all of this joy however, something very mystifying happened to me last night…About 3 or 4 in the morning, I started to feel Bahar’s spirit upon me very strongly and intensely…My skin was crawling with her and my skin felt electrified like it used to when she touched me…I felt unexpectedly overwhelmed by all of this because it literally came out of nowhere…My senses became altogether aroused and inflamed…Afterwards I fell into a deep sleep but when I woke up 7 pounds was on T.V. I suppose this will be another mystery that I’ll never be able to fully understand though…If I tell you that our paths converging is serendiptous…Or what if I say that I believe that neither one of us stood a chance against Kismet and a twist of fate…Or what if I tell you that she is indeed my soulmate after all…And what if I express to you that I truly love her so deeply that I can feel her spirit sometimes…Well then, wouldn’t you say back to me that I’m justifiably foolish and absurd and perhaps guilty of watching too many movies? You would probably be thinking it at the very least, I’m more than sure…Although I will end by saying this however…The universe is unfathomable, vast and mysterious…Anything can happen if you believe that it can…Everybody has potential…And I believe with all of my heart and soul, that love alone, and above all, possesses possibility beyond our wildest comprehension…
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