oh, God. oh, God. I’m a homosexual. I’m a minority. That man that I hugged, who I thought I was so much better than (at first) is more loved and more accepted in this society than I. Maybe not on the surface because I don’t have a patch that some Nazi’s force me to wear proclaiming what I am, but I’m still a minority. An invisible minority.
(until I hold her hand. And kiss her lips in front of children in the park. until my body lingers against hers after we embrace. until…)
oh, God. oh, God. I’m so scared. What if people hate me? What if people call me names? What if my family disowns me? What if people think I don’t love God anymore? What if?
~~~
I lost everything this year. Everything. My friends, my family, my reputation, my GPA, my love for life, my innocence, my belief in what is good and what is beauty. And now I’m on this path that I didn’t really choose. I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know how I got to this point in my life. A point that vanishes like it does between Plato of the real that is unseen and Aristotle and the real that is before our eyes being experienced. Aristotle points at boundaries of society and things that can be touched, tasted, smelled, and seen. Plato points at things of the mind and heart, of faith and something about God, the real that is forgotten and only vaguely felt or understood.
And I was quietly taken; I vanished into a world of between.
I know no longer who I am or what I love or have loved. It’s the age old question of “what is?”.
I have faith about who I am and what I believe. But now it’s questions of what is in this world. A world of reason and borders, fences you do not cross, and paths that always lead straight. But I’ve been curious about the bends in a road and the seductiveness of their curve.
(And that path that curves so seductively is the path from hip to breast. Her breasts.)
oh, God. oh, God. What am I going to do? How am I going to live?
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