A Field Guide to the Straight Girl:
http://ordinaryfreakshow.wordpress.com/2008/11/30/a-field-guide-to-the-straight-girl/
A Field Guide to the Straight BFF
http://ordinaryfreakshow.wordpress.com/2009/02/25/field-guide-to-the-straight-bff/
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So here’s the next (over-due) installation to the Field Guide series: A Field Guide to the Homophobe.
I’m sure you all know what a homophobe/homophobic is, but if you don’t, a homophobe is someone who is either scared of gay people (homo meaning gay and phobe meaning fear) or, under a loose interpretation of the word, someone who dislikes (or hates) gays. For me, finding out someone is homophobic is probably just as scary for a homophobe to find out someone’s, well, gay. The situations are literally synonymous to each other. There’s no way to know that someone’s gay, and there’s really know way to know that someone’s homophobic, unless either of they say so themselves.
The only way to know if someone is homophobic is to feel them out a bit. Of course, some people just come right out with the fact that they simply do not like gay people. Or, on the more negative side, they could lash out. Ask around. Ask the people who you trust to give you the truth. See how she reacts whenever anyone mentions something gay-related. Keep in mind that a lot of people will say “Don’t be such a fag” or “That’s so gay.” That’s really no indication if someone’s homophobic. It could mean something, but not always. Words like fag and gay are just conventional words that don’t really mean anything anymore.
Now, I generally categorize homophobes into four categories: Passive, Moderate, Aggressive, and ‘Immatures.’ The most important thing, I think, is to calculate whether or not the person is under any of the three categories. To be completely and absolutely honest, it is important to deduce whether or not someone fits under the Aggressive category. Why? Safety. True, these days, everything’s getting better. We can be more open about being gay, and honestly, there are few people who still fit under the Aggressive category. But some still do. Never forget that there are still violent attacks on gays that have lead to serious injury and even, in extreme cases, death. Lawrence King, for example, died only last year. A girl in NJ was killed at a local bus stop. The list goes on. I don’t mean to scare people, but that’s the harsh reality. Thankfully, as I already mentioned, very few people these days fit under the Aggressive category. My only advice? Steer clear of them. Don’t be argumentative, and as much as I hate to say it, don’t be ‘flamboyant.’ Safety is the most important thing here.
The Moderate category and the Passive category is where most people are going to fit. The Moderate category are generally going to be the people who aren’t going to extend further than verbal lashings. The verbal bullies. Whether or not you stand up for yourself is your choice, and it’s totally understandable if you choose to say nothing. Oftentimes they’re not going to be swayed to believe anything other than gays are awful. Not much you can do here. How to spot them? They’re probably the most outwardly argumentative. “Bible-thumpers” fit underneath this category, evangelical types who make it a point to say they don’t like gays. Again, I say bullies. They’re looking for a fight.
The Passive category is going to include a lot of religiously motivated people, and people who are driven, by more logical arguments, to dislike gays. They’re not going to really outwardly say anything, but if anyone asks, it’s who they are. They don’t like gays. What I’ve found about the Passive category, is that they’re easily swayed. Most of them, like most homophobes, have never met anyone who’s gay. In fact, they know very little. Their extent of their knowledge rarely exceeds past what they’ve learned in Sunday School. Actually, all I can say is just to let them get to know you. Even engage in some friendly, healthy debate on the topic. Maybe you can change their mind on how they feel about gays. Most of the time, they’re not going to be outwardly hurtful.
Now there’s the “Immature” category. Here, you’re just going to have a lot of high school kids who are afraid of anything they don’t really know about, ie) gays. I hate to stereotype, but this category is going to have a lot of guys. Unfortunately, today’s society raises the male demographic to be ‘macho,’ which is anything but that stereotypical gay. Thus, a lot of guys are going to be afraid of ‘fags,’ and they’re going to be outwardly argumentative. Not much to say here other than be yourself. Maybe even open up their minds a little bit.
I know the approach I take to the ‘Homophobe’ might not be the best. But it’s a way that I’ve found works for me, and it’s a way that’s easy to put down on paper. If anyone finds this offensive, I sincerely apologize, I did not mean it as such.
To the gays, I know it can be scary to find out that someone’s Homophobic. Especially if they’re your friend, your teammate, or classmate. In the simplest of terms, here’s what I have to say: Be respectful and always take the high road. Show them that you won’t sink down to they’re level and that you are a respectable and all in all nice person. And above all, be safe.
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