I am firm believer that your hairstyle can really dictate the happiness of your life. When it looks good we feel good, and in turn a bad hair day can, for alot of us, equal a bad day in general. I know for me when my hair is at an unruly lenght or not to its best volume or just not doing what I need it to, I tend to get a bit bitchy, my confidence goes down and I definitly turn into not the best version of myself.
Hair is also a big identity factor for the lesbian community. Now don’t start and get all trollish on me, i’m not saying this bot every lesbian but off of those that i know this is true. One of the big deal steps in coming out for a lot of lesbians is cutting their hair off, well for the butch or dykey lesbians that is. For femmes the hair thing can even be bigger issue, we want to look feminine but don’t want our hair to make us even more invisible then we can already be in the LGBT community, so we turn to more fashionable styles, sometimes edgy, sometimes pin up or retro. A hair cut can make a big difference. When i look back on the last few years as I was coming out and getting comfortable with my identity as a femme my hair has changed alot. Here is the last couple years in review.
This was the first photo I sent to Nightrider when we met over a craigslist ad. She said it scared her because i was so fake looking (and straight looking lol) but she saw past it and was pleased when she saw me in real life.
This was my first “edgy” hairstyle. Nightrider and I had been together for a few months and I was having a really hard time with my identity, I was hanging out with mostly her and her other dykey or punk friends and I thought that the only way you could be a hip femme was to be a bit punky. I lowlighted and straightened and got choppy. And yes i also wore alot of hoodies and white beaters with black bras during this time lol.
Next came the bangs, and the blown out look. This was during the time that Jenny wasn’t a complete pain in the ass on The L Word and I dug her high fashion look with the bangs that hide her eyes. This wasnt a great look for me and Nightrider would be the first to agree.
I tried to work with the bangs for a while, hoping I could grow them out and cut the rest of my hair and went for a bit of a sleeker bang look. This was one of the times when I really harnessed my femme. I finally started to figure out that it wasnt really about my hair, that i was just about my personal style and to go with what I liked.
And what I liked was big teased hair, tons of hairspray and some va va va voom! I found my inner drag queen and I think this was the point in time where I really quit carrying what other lesbians thought, if i was visible or not and found some happiness within myself and my do!
Next I rolled with change and warm weather and went shorter..
And Shorter…
And the shortest it has ever been and ever will be YUCK! When i went this short it was the middle of the summer, Pride time and again I felt myself needing to be more visibly gay (if you can even do that, which im pretty sure you cant) and in a whim cut to this lenght. I cried the entire car ride home (see i told you hair was important)
And here are the two most recent pics of me, I am probably in the best hair state of mind I have ever been. I have a cut that is edgy and fashionable, the is femmine enough for me, that makes me feel like a rock star and most importantly makes me feel like myself.
Another example of how a hair cut can change your life that maybe isnt as vain as mine but definitly more dramatic is my good friend V. Bohem. She has identified as a femme for a long time but not necessarily felt at home there, she has leaned more towards an emo look in the past and has been moderately insecure about her visibility to the community as well as about her looks in general. While she has always been a beautiful girl, she was taking an unnecessary route to catch the attention of certain dykes and was playing the girls up so much that she was sacrificing her self worth and she new it. In a whim of self discovery V chopped off all of her hair put away the black hair dye and with that one faithful hair cut found her inner dyke and has honestly found herself. She has put the girls away, changed her style, is more comfortable with herself and now sticks up for herself, speaks her mind and I feel has really changed her life for the better.
Here is V before
And a much happier more self assure V now!
Maybe I’m wrong but i think it is possible to change your hair and in turn change your life.
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