“Where is my list, have you seen it?”
“What list, Mom.”
“My list of the children who are naughty and nice. Don’t give me that face, I know which one you are already.”
“Haven’t seen it, Mom.”
“What is that noise? Are you playing one of your rap CDs again?”
“No, it’s not me.”
“Bells, buzzing or whooshing….Hey, put my Celtic Woman CD back on, wouldja?”
“Oh, my aching head, this will never work, I’m getting too old. Honey, what day is it?”
“It’s Christmas Eve, Mom.”
“That’s what I thought, oof what is crawling on my skin?” She examined her forearm under a lamp and scratched vigorously. “The reindeer have the year off, I’m taking the SUV.”
Meno Claus mopped her brow. “Melissa did you turn up the thermostat? I’m burning hot.”
“No, Mom.”
Meno Claus muttered, “There are 35 symptoms of menopause and I’ve had ‘em all. Last week I had a phantom period!”
“Are you talking to me, Mom?”
She wiped her eyes on her loud Christmas sweater. “I don’t know anymore, Melissa, it’s too much being Single-mom Santa. Nobody knows how hard I work, keeping it going, and menopause is making it impossible!”
Melissa approached and regarded her mother. “Mom, you’re feeling sorry for yourself. Menopause is normal, you can do this.”
Meno Claus embraced her daughter. “You’re pretty smart for an eighteen year old, ya little shit!”
Suddenly energized, Meno Claus slung an enormous toy sack over her shoulder and toted it to the SUV outside. Suddenly she flew back through the house into the bathroom and slammed the door.
Several minutes passed. “Melissa, do you have any pads? I can’t believe this, I’m getting my period. I haven’t had it for three months!”
“Just a minute, I’ll get them.” Melissa retrieved a box of pads from upstairs and handed them around the bathroom door.
Meno Claus emerged and resumed stuffing her sack with toys. She packed the SUV and used the bathroom. Gazing at her reflection, she rubbed a finger on her upper lip.
“Melissa look, I have a mustache! I never had a mustache before. God, I can’t do this. Single-mom Santa doesn’t have a mustache. God, it’s all over.” Meno Claus sagged against the sink.
“Mom, calm down. You’re going to get into the SUV and drive into the night, and it’ll be magic, just like always. The magic will happen, Mom. I believe in you. I still believe in Santa Claus, and you should, too.”
Meno Claus took a last look in the mirror and shook her head before sailing into the blackness.
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