What’s a girl to do when the honeymoon is over and that first big challenge in a relationship rears its ugly head. I know compromise is not a four-letter word, but it probably should be. If you don’t learn how to manage the art of compromise, you might as well find a cave to crawl into and give up on any relationship with other human beings. It will save you a lot of heartache to simply admit you are inflexible and unable to bend.
Granted, it is hard to compromise on certain issues. Many decisions require a yes or no answer and prove cumbersome otherwise. These issues often become deal-breakers in relationships. You either want children, or you don’t. The same is true for pets, a move to Alaska, aging parents moving in and many other situations. There isn’t a lot of obvious middle ground. But if you are committed to making things work for both of you, you can usually find acceptable answers without railroading your partner and forcing them into a corner with nowhere to go but out the door.
Whatever you do, take your partner seriously. Don’t say one thing and do another. They will notice, you know. As stupid as she can be at times, you must admit that she is basically smart or you would not be with her. Right? So give her the courtesy of being honest. Don’t ignore her feelings and act like you’re going to consider her concerns if, in reality, you aren’t. She will notice when your mother moves in or a child is adopted. Some things are hard to hide.
If you start going in the direction of your goal, whether it be spending time with the prospective adoptee, or making moving arrangements for your parent’s furniture, she will notice. And after you walk on her, the footprints will be evident. Women are sensitive, like that. Plus the dry cleaning bill could get scary trying to get your shoe print out of her favorite blouse.
Most issues can be resolved if you have two willing parties who both want to make it work. Therapy, another word that seems like it should be a four-letter word, can help. Having a moderator is key for giving each other a stage for voicing feelings and concerns. Also, it can keep the situation from getting as heated, since most women don’t want to completely be a jerk in front of the nice therapist. It may get expensive running to the therapist, but it’s a lot cheaper than starting over. So buck up and pay the nice lady already, unless you truly believe you have reached a stalemate.
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