Eureka Springs Barbee: This Barbee is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstock with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow or when it’s dinner time. She does not want or need a Kenny Barbee, but if you purchase two Harrison Barbees and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
Eureka Springs II Barbee: This versatile Barbee can be easily converted from Barbee to Kenny by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts. She still wants you to call her when it’s dinner time.
Fayetteville Barbee: Comes with an assortment of second-hand Kate Spade Handbags, a dented Lexus SUV, and a long-haired foreign dog named Honey that humps everything in sight. She lives in a cookie-cutter McMansion with a mortgage that’s so upside down, well, you know. Available with or without the botched tummy tuck, boob job, and face lift. Alcoholic Kenny sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
Fort Smith Barbee: The modern day homemaker Barbee is available with the ten-year-old Ford Windstar mini-van on the verge of being repossessed, plus a matching gym outfit complete with torn armpits to match the torn seats in the van. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Harrison Barbee: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweedy bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Kenny’s butt when she’s drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Pinnacle Hills Barbee: This yuppie Barbee comes with your choice of last-year’s BMW or Hummer H2. Included are a personalized Starbucks cup good only at the Starbucks that closed last year, a credit card that’s over the limit, and a faux-country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Kenny and Private School Skipper. You can only purchase these at the local bank, because everything was repo’d because daddy was a Northwest Arkansas real estate developer that went bust.
Rogers Barbee: This Barbee is no longer available for political reasons, but can still be found on eBay. Wearing just one shoe, this Barb went broke running a pizza joint in historic downtown Rogers, then got busted for running a Ponzi-scheme, finally committing pretend-suicide by pretending to throw herself off the Beaver Lake Dam.
Springdale Barbee: This Barbee is attired in the traditional chicken-processing job garb, where she chokes Kenny’s little chicken on a daily basis. She comes with a green-card, twelve bambinos, and speaks only Spanish.
SW Little Rock Barbee: This Barbee now comes with a stroller and two in-bred infant Barbee wannabes. Optional accessories include a GED with last year’s maps and an expired bus pass. Gangsta Kenny and his 1971 Caddy were available, but is now very difficult to find since the addition of the mixed-breed infant.
West Memphis Barbee: This recently paroled Barbee comes with a 9mm toy handgun, a fake Ray Lewis knife, and a 64′ Chevy with dark tinted windows. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) …unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.
Pine Bluff Barbee: This Barbee was never available… she got shot before she made it to the list.
Legal Notice: Please do not confuse these toys with products made by other companies, including Barbie (r) which is made by Mattel (r). Our toys should not be confused with any Mattel ™ or Barbie ™ toy, or any other toy on the market. Any resemblance to any toy or person, living or dead, or anything currently available in a Walmart store is a mere coincidence. Parody comparisons are strictly in the eyes of the reader and not intended. No Rights are Reserved.
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