it’s not that 2009 was bad – far from it – but a shitload of it has been freaking tough. really tough … like suddenly i feel i have fuckall family left and i had only just got some, or reclaimed some … but ja, that’s the way it goes, i guess. but this is also the year i met her and for most of this year we’ve been battling and relishing all the things that should have been keeping us well apart and all of the things that have glued us together. it feels solid. still fucking hard, but seriously solid. the whole thing’s already transformed her family, maybe more than she knows or wants, i dunno … and perhaps it’s doing the same to mine on a slower sort of a trajectory. i don’t fucking know man.
this morning i almost flipped completely in a cafe in g-town – so humiliating, though i think only she noticed and she, thank fuck, is freaking angelic about shit like that, even while it’s hurting the hell out of us both. and then all the way home we were both sore and really, the whole root of that is the fact that we aren’t together enough. three beautiful days and nights – still not enough. spoiled brats? like she said though, we both waited a long time for each other, actually. fuckitttt i miss the women so hard.
i get sick of being careful, i get sick of waiting. i get sick of having to pander to shit fucking stupid crap societal homophobia. struggling with loving and hating humanity – like humanity gives a shit …
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