I originally wrote this piece for a booklet produced by the LGBT committee at the University of York, UK– on which I am Bisexual Women’s Representative – called ‘Being LGBT’, which contained various short pieces about LGBT experiences. I then modified it slightly to a written piece which I presented to an audience at our ‘Being LGBT’ event. I have further modified it before posting it here. I feel a little bit narcissistic posting this outside of the wider ‘Being LGBT’ booklet with other people’s experiences; but maybe it interests someone as a sexuality-is-not-static story.
I was nineteen yeas old when I fell head-over-heels in ‘like’ with a boy for the first time.
Fo most girls, this would be a fairly unsurprising development in life. The events that follow such an experience might be simple or complicated, but either way the whole experience would be expected.
But I had been out as a lesbian for nearly six years.
Coming out as gay is difficult for many people, but for me it had been almost painless. It was part of who I was and given by liberal upbringing I had found it easy to come to terms with. My friends had been accepting; my family had been unsurprised and indifferent. My romantic life had been really no more complicated than that of any other teenager — that is to say, it had been angsty and self-conscious, ultimately a complicated and painful learning experience, but with plenty of good moments.
I really didn’t want to complicate the whole thing by having to “come out” all over again.
Besides the reactions that I didn’t want to face — those of my dad, my friends, and most awkwardly my ex-girlfriend — there was the complex issue of how I felt, myself. Being gay had been, in my mind, an important part of who I was for a long time. Being attracted to a guy changed all that. I worried for a time that I would lose being part of the LGBT community, a community that was so important to me.
It’s been over a year and a half now since I fell in ‘like’ with that boy.
I’ve managed to find my identity again.
I’m a bisexual woman, and that doesn’t mean I’m not part of the LGBT community, or a less important part of the LGBT community.
Having access to straight privelege when I’m in a straight relationship allows me to understand better than before why LGBT rights are important. Being monogamous with a man doesn’t make me straight. And the LGBT at York have made me feel more welcome than I ever thought I would.
If you asked my ex-girlfriend, she would probably insist I am a lesbian in denial. If you asked my grandmother, she sees simply a straight girl [that's bisexual privelege right there]. If you asked my friends from high school, they would shrug the whole thing off and say they’ve given up trying to work out how I did a 360 turn from outspoken lesbian to long term relationship with a man.
But that’s fine.
Of all the things that my experiences of being LGBT have taught me, the one that really sticks is this: my identity is my own; It is not what other people make of it.
And in case you’re wondering, me and the boy in this story are no longer in ‘like’ — we’re in love.
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