I’m all back to front with my sleep patterns again – I was up all night and started getting knackered about half 6 this morning but decided to stay up and get a doctors appointment for more medication. Got appointment for 10.40am so stayed up until then. Just as I was getting ready to walk out the door the house phone began to ring and on the other end was this psycho girl I was friends with for about 10 years who is just complete and utter poison. She completely fucked my head for about 3 years until 2 years ago I finally had enough and broke all contact. Our friendship ended on very bad terms, she didn’t live near me anymore and it was a massive relief when I finally told her never to contact me again.
So here I was this morning waiting to go out the door with her on the other end of the phone asking me not to hang up as she had something important to tell me. I didn’t even want to hear what she had to say and I’m pretty sure she could tell by the tone of my voice, she was trying to say all this stuff about being sorry for any hurt she had caused me and stuff but I cut her off and told her just to spit out whatever she had phoned to tell me. So she finally spat out that someone she knew, knew someone I know and there are all these rumours going around that I am in a lesbian relationship or something with this girl. I could feel myself shaking with anger at just hearing her voice as I knew fine well she was just after a bit of gossip and something else to try and fuck my head up with. Needless to say she was told nothing and 10 mins later was off the phone.
Went to docs (late) and saw same one as a couple of weeks ago. She agrees my Lamotrigine dose should be going up but wanted to do liver tests etc before increasing it, so I got blood samples taken and they should be back at the end of the week. She was asking loads of questions about my self harming and suicidal ideas and various other things but I wasn’t in the mood to be telling her stuff so her words kinda fell on deaf ears.
After the docs my friend and I went to the paint shop and got paint for my ceiling then met my Dad and got his ladders then had some lunch. By then it was almost 3pm and having been up all night we were shattered so off to bed we went and didn’t wake up until 10pm! It’s now 3.12 am and I’m wide awake with night being day and day being night again, with an unpainted ceiling and a load of missed calls between us with people on a search party wondering where she was as she been here since Sat and it’s now Wed lol
So that’s my excitement for today, tomorrow I have a meeting with both the social worker and psychologist at 12 which I just want to get over and done with.
Bye for now.
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