I want her everyday more and more...

Hi everyone… I haven’t been writing these days cause I was at home with my family and to be honest, I wasn’t feeling that good. Yeah, the girl I’ve been complaining you about all these days has met someone. She fell for him like crazy… He is great. All she wanted in a guy. Handsome, funny, nice…. I should be happy for her, right? I am. All I want for her is to be happy. But it still hurts, and I still I’m hurting and suffering like never before. And I hate this guy for not giving her the attention she deserves. Stupid douche! He has no idea that if someday he loses her because of that, that he let the most precious creature slip away from him.

The saddest part of this story is that all this time I had this tiny, dumb hope that maybe, someday, by some crazy chance she would fall for me too. Of course that will never happen… And right now I’m paying really good for that dumb hope. It hit me so hard when she told me the news. When she was telling me all that stuff, I was fighting back my tears and yet at the same time I had to look happy and excited for her. Torture. Now I just can’t seem to accept that. I’m sad and angry and disappointed. I’m sad cause it finally hit me, like really hit me. SHE WILL NEVER BE MINE. NEVER! And angry and disappointed cause I all I want is a little love, that’s all I’m asking for.

The other night I was out with this wonderful guy. He’s funny, smart and kind… And crazy about me. He’s all a girl could dream about in a guy. But he is not her. I sat with him that night, listening to him talk and at the same time wishing it was her instead of him, wishing that it was her sitting with me. But she wasn’t there. And as much as I’m aware of the fact that she will never be sitting with me on a date, I still don’t seem to let go of her, to move, to let myself to find someone else to love.

I wish life was different for me… I wish I didn’t mess so many stuff. I wish I could just tell her and get all this out of my chest, but I can’t. I don’t wanna lose her, I don’t wanna lose the best person I ever met. I want to keep her near me forever, even if that means keeping her near me just like a friend. Oh her laughter… I don’t think I could ever live without her laughter. Whenever I hear her laugh it’s like the best thing in this universe happening just for me…. And everytime I hear her laugh it feels like I’m falling in love all over again and it makes me want her more and more…

Everyday I wake up I promise myself the same thing… From today I’m moving on, I’m giving up on this forever, I’m starting to study more so that I wouldn’t think so much about her and how much I miss her… But I never keep my promise. Just an email or a phone call from her brings me back to the same dark place where I’m lonely and desperate for her and her love….

[Via http://lovehurts988.wordpress.com]