I had a lot of time in my hands these days. My roommates went home and this is the third day alone. It’s boring, but somehow it feels really good… Since I had nothing to do, all I did was thinking and studying…
I think that it’s true when people say that you have to feel the cold ground so that you could see that the way you are living isn’t the best one. I think I got it now. I seriously need change and these days I’m definitely making progress when it comes to that… I talked to her yesterday and she told me that she’s having a great time with her new boyfriend and that she’s really happy. I think this is one of the signs for me to move on, to take my life in MY OWN hands and change stuff. I have to struggle, I have to do it for myself. Since I’ve met her pretty much every step that I took it was something for her and because of her. Everything in my life was somehow connected to her, and now I realise that I was blinded by ‘love’. I stopped seeing anything that mattered to me personally. I was locked in this small box, alone, but always with her on my mind. The only thing I could see out of this box it was her and nothing else mattered to me… I don’t want to be that blind person in the box anymore. I have to get out of there and start seeing daylight and start being happy. I have to start searching for the pieces that are left and start rebuilding that house called ‘the old me’… I have to finally turn this page of this book called ‘life’… I have to start making progress at school, to feel proud of myself again and make other people proud of me again… No matter how much I hate my school, I can do it, I can make it work and I have to for the sake of my future and who I’m going to be in a few years.
Most importantly I have to try to get over her. I have to start replacing her and what matters to her with me and what matters to me. I have to stop doing all the stuff I did for her, just because this stupid fool thought that maybe one day she will fall in love with her too…
I have to learn how to open that small box and get out of it from time to time and see the world and make up all the things that I’ve been missing during these 3 years…
I know it’s going to be hard to let go of her and to leave behind all that, that I used to call ‘life’ during the last few years, but I have to close this door and open a new one so that I could walk in to a better and brighter room… I know that life has a lot more to offer than this and I have to get up and find out all the good offers that life has for me… And I guess this is what life’s about sometimes, moving on and leaving behind…!
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