Today I had the unwelcome experience of being question by another member of the small LGBT community I belong to.
I was asked how could I be both genderqueer and a femme.
I’ve stated this before but I’m going to reiterate: my queerness in terms of gender takes two forms; a. the days I feel particularly masculine and exert this physically to society and b. the days I feel without a gender, like I’m floating in the middle of a giant gender ocean meeting no harbour.
What pissed me off about this question was that after I answered, they told that I wasn’t correct.
EXCUSE ME?
I’m not correct about what labels I choose for myself?
I was told that someone who associated to society as a femme could not be genderqueer.
I swear I could almost hear my knuckles cracking on their own accord.
You see, it took me a long time (a year at the most, which is a long time for me in regards to my ideas of time) to coalesce myself into the person who states proudly: “Hi, I’m a genderqueer kinky bottom femme who sucks at cooking and anything domestic.”
I, myself haven’t met any other genderqueers, and I have yet to stumble across a genderqueer femme, so I guess that lends to the theory that we might not be very common.
But for me, the gender association of ‘femme’ in which I present a more feminine approach to society is a choice. I wasn’t forced to suppress my gender because of it. I chose to be a femme because I liked the way it makes me feel.
Now I admit, some days, I wish that I could just be cis-gendered. I wish everything was just laid out plain and simple for me to understand. But it’s not, and that’s one of the things that makes me who I am.
Not understanding my own gender took a lot of understanding and researching on my part, it look a lot of exploration in regards to what felt comfortable to me and when.
‘How would I change my appearance to suit the gender assignment of the day? ‘ was a common question in my mind and slowly I fashioned myself an identity that allowed me to accept my gender, however I was feeling at the time, and still maintain the femininity in my outside demeanour.
So what made this person so openly question who and what I was?
A lack of knowledge I’m hoping. They barely knew me, though they did know of me, but I found it hard to consider judging someone and even second-guessing them before I even knew them. The thought is incomprehensible to me, and yet it happens a lot more often than I would care to know.
So this is my little rant session, trying to vent all my anger at being, not discriminated against, but misunderstood in my own ’supposed’ community.
I might also stress the point that I ran into a horny teenage boy in Omegle today. Omegle of course being the latest internet chat craze where you talk to complete strangers for no reason.
Anyway, he stated something that worried me: ‘Yeah but all lesbians are bit a bi, aren’t they.’
It looks like the youth still have a long way to go in terms of sexuality and gender understanding.
But that’s me for today.
Over and out.
- Cal.
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