If you want to get a good debate going, any time, any place, then all you have to do is utter the word bisexual, and you’re sure to get a lot of reaction. These people who claim they enjoy sex with both men and women scare the hell out of the rest of us, as a perceived threat to 99.9% of the population. Why do we care so much if a person dares to be open to sexual experiences with both genders? I’ve taken my informal poll, and here is what I’ve come up with.
Human beings are desperate to categorize everything in life, to use labels to gain understanding and feel safe in their world. I’m way ahead of you. Yes. I know that bisexuality is just another label. So why the adverse reaction to bisexuality then? To most of us, bisexuals are completely outside of our experience and world. There are so few self-proclaimed bisexuals out there, that most of us don’t really know anyone who is brave enough to say that about themself. Our fear of the unknown is probably one reason that explains why many people are afraid of bisexuals, perceiving them at some very gut level, to be “other than,” like freaks of nature.
Many arguments are bandied about in regard to sexuality. An assertion made on the popular Seinfeld Show, about the subject of bisexuality, was that bisexuality is just a stop on the way to Gaytown. There may be some truth to that. In an attempt to fit into the world at large, I can see why a person who is having a hard time “coming out” of the closet might say that they were bisexual, to test the waters, giving themself an easy retreat back to the hetero world if they get scared, or decide against “coming out” altogether.
If you’re bisexual, it stands to reason that you will be viewed as undecided, or wishy-washy. On a positive note, you may be considered quite avant garde, having evolved to a level where you relate to others on a more spiritual level, with the sex being a mere expression of your love for your beloved’s true essence. This argument does hold up logically, when you consider that few of us would say that we fall in love with a particular breast or penis, reacting sexually to body parts instead of their personality and character.
I have argued on occasion that I believe we would all be bisexual if we lived in a free-thinking, highly evolved society, devoid of stereotypes and oppressive religions, where people are taught what to think, instead of how to think. I have fallen in love with men and women. Please don’t stop reading this blog, just because I admitted to that. I identify as a lesbian. But the truth of the matter is, if I were stranded on a desert island with a handful of people after a plane crash, I could conceivably end up in the arms of a man instead of a woman. The mental connection is more important to me than the physical connection. In a big world, I prefer women, but in a smaller space, I could conceivably pick an interesting and intelligent man over a boring or unintelligent woman. I bet most lesbians would have to admit the same thing, if they were pushed into a corner on the subject.
Don’t misinterpret my last sentence. I love sex. But sex for me is about showing a person how much I love them, not worshipping what a “great body” they have, or shooting for the ultimate sexual experience. My best sexual experiences have been more about emotion, than the perfect orgasm or some interesting new position. Basically, if I love you, and feel loved by you, the sex will be great for me.
Don’t judge me for what I am about to say, but I prefer identifying as a lesbian instead of a bisexual, even given my earlier argument that we are all bisexual at some basic level. For the reasons listed above, I am not willing to be as alone or forsaken as most bisexual women I have met. Lesbians and heteros alike are scared to death of bisexuals. Being a lesbian has been challenging enough, but at least I have a group of women going through the experience with me. There is comfort in numbers. We all need a social network where we feel accepted by others. The whole “sacrificial lamb” things holds no allure for me.
One of the reasons I believe so few women can commit to bisexuality is because most lesbians I know will not date a bisexual woman. Lesbians want a committed lesbian. The idea of their beloved changing teams unexpectedly, or transmitting a disease gotten from some promiscuous male, is enough to keep most lesbians shying away from bisexual women.
With sexuality so wrapped up in life roles and family expectations, most people want some sense of what to expect from another person. If I go to a party and I’m a straight girl, should I worry about “her” around my boyfriend, or be afraid she’ll make a pass at me if I let my guard down when I’m tipsy from my third glass of wine. As stupid as that sounds to me and most other lesbians, I know from talking to straight women, that some of them are thinking this way.
I admire the Bisexuals, as brave souls, willing to defy the norm to a level that, even the most rebellious homos are afraid to confront. Bisexuals may be the most sexually honest people on the planet. The only group of people who seem more intent on rocking the boat than the bisexuals are the trangenders/transsexuals. But that’s another topic for another day.
Maybe someday our society won’t care so much about how we dress or who we love. Now that would be something. That would definitely be progress.
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