When I first came out, I learned very quickly about the common misconceptions people have about lesbians. To say I was surprised, is an understatement. Maybe you can relate to these unfounded beliefs yourself.
Imagine my dismay the first time I went to a lesbian bar and ended up being hit on by a heterosexual couple. The farce started out as a gorgeous female sitting on the bar stool next to me flirting shamelessly and buying me drinks. Little did I know at the time that she was being used as bait to lure me into a threesome. Maybe I would have considered this event to be a fluke if it had happened only the one time, but unfortunately, it happened several times in my first year of going out to the ladies bars. Can you say, YUCK! All I could conclude from these experiences was that some straight people believe that lesbians are more “loose” and willing to participate in sex of the “kinky” variety.
I know what you’re thinking. Those pickup scenarios where couples try and seduce lesbians for a threesome, are more about men’s ongoing love affair with the idea of having two women in bed with them, than their belief that lesbians are more promiscuous than other women. The jury may be out on that one. But when I considered how many more propositions I got as a single lesbian, than I got as a single straight girl, it certainly makes the argument a likely consideration. Of course, I was always with a big husky guy when I was impersonating a straight girl, so I doubt I seemed very approachable.
Another misconception that many people have about lesbians is that we are very “take charge” and good at assembling things in boxes and other mechanical endeavors. While I know many lesbians who can brag about their proficiency in this arena, I am not one of them. So for me, and several of my ex girlfriends, this presupposition about lesbians is completely false.
Another misconception about lesbians that seems to target us and our supposed lack of feminine wiles is often levied by our gay male friends. If I hear one more joke about how bad lesbians dress from gay men, I swear I may have to burn down one of their bars in retaliation. Who made them the judge and jury on lesbian fashion anyway. Just because we don’t conform to their idea of fashion, does not mean we are bad dressers. Different does not mean inferior, it only means different.
One could argue that many misconceptions about lesbians start off as stereotypes perpetuated by society and wind up having some merit. I would like to go on notice as saying that not all lesbians are masculine and unattractive as many straight men like to suggest, to ease their ego when they are rejected by us. And no, we aren’t with women as a default plan, because we can’t “get a man.” But yes, like all sub-cultures, we certainly have our share of women, who don’t really care about such superficial things as fashion and societal norms related to shaving, hygiene and hairstyles. But people like me, often view that aspect of their personality as part of their charm.
The last misconception that I’d like to tackle is the misconception that lesbians all hate men. The truth is, all women hate men at times, and for the same reasons. The battle of the sexes wages on, as women just don’t appreciate men at times, because they are so different. Even though, we lesbians like to believe we are more like men ourselves, I don’t buy it after I spend a few hours in the presence of the opposite sex. I simply don’t get men. But I don’t hate them. And most women I know don’t hate them. I often envy guys, their clueless existence, bereft of the hormones and heightened sensitivity that makes being a female so challenging.
I’ll end this defensive blog with one thought. Lesbians are complicated people. We defy stereotypes and everything status quo. That’s the one statement about lesbians that may actually bear some truth.
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