Dec 8th 2009
Wow, I am completely astonished by how great my new medication is working…It’s just crazy (no pun intended) how much 2 pills are mending my damaged brain…For the most part, my obsessive thinking is gone…My compulsions are disappearing…And my moods are remaining steady and even-keeled…I feel very good-natured and positive each day…I feel happy and it seems to be showing…I think it’s my smile, perhaps? I hope this medication continues to work as well as it has thus far…I was rather ashamed about having to take 2 antidepressants, although I feel no shame about it now…I feel so much better that it’s impossible to feel any negativity whatsoever at this point…I feel gratitude in abundance though…
The Monday night meeting was a good one last night…Every one of us seemed to be in positive spirits…A great amount of healing has taken place among us, that’s for sure…We have a new guy that started attending our 12 step group and he received his one week chip last night…I was very happy for him! It seem’s like such a long time ago for me now, when I was the new person in the group and receiving my one week chip…Damn I was so scared too…But now I’m within weeks of receiving my one year medallion for remaining in sobriety and recovery from sex and love addiction…Although it’s much more of a love addiction problem that I seem to have such a problem with…But through my 12 step meetings (SLAA), personal therapy and counseling, I believe that I am finally willing and able to love without fear and without the need to possess…Although I suppose that I can’t know this for certain until I love someone again and they love me in return, equally…
In therapy, I’ve definitely done a very thorough job by dealing with my afflictions after all…I’ve worked (struggled, is more like it) my way through my abandonment issues, childhood neglect and trauma, being an adult child of an alcoholic and last but not least…codependency issues! Translation, feeling like I’m required to save my loved ones from any harm, regardless if it’s brought on by their own constant bad choices and mistakes…Meanwhile, through some very honest self-reflection in therapy it’s been brought to my attention that I’m very guilty of playing the martyr also…It’s who I’ve been for so long, however I’m no longer willing to be this person again, for anybody…My battles have been hard-fought and won on this very day, and if I’m given the gift of life to wake up tomorrow…May Divine grace permit me to win my battles tomorrow too
God Please Bless the innocent and those who suffer…Bless the homeless and the hungry, the sick and the lonely people too…Thank you Father God for loving me so much with your Divine Love and Thank You for Blessing me so abundantly…I Love You Too…I shall go now, to rest well, and have pleasant dreams…
Most Sincerely…
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