OK day two and I feel even worse. Yesterday I went to school and around 10 went down to the nurses office. I told her I a sore throat, and was feeling congested and she immediately called my mom, then my dad to come pick me up. Dad came in like 10 minutes and in 30 minutes I was at the doctor’s (my aunt). Turns out I have the flu, not swine flu, but regular old knock you on your ass flu. So for the past day, I’ve tried to sleep, although unsuccessful since it feels like I am swallowing glass.
The wierd thing is that my masturbation hasn’t diminished. I think I’m addicted to masturbation (is that even possible) as I can’t seem to fall asleep until after I bring myself off. Maybe it’s a mind thing. I mean I’m sure there is not a MA – Masturabators Anonymous out there. Although I bet those meeting would be fun to attend. On second thought maybe not, can you imagine hello, my name is Cassie and I haven’t pleasured myself in 21 days. Now that I think more about it, I think it would be very depressing.
Another thing, I have noticed is that I am shy around girls now. Even online, I find myself nervous to talk to girls I like. This is fairly weird to me because I have always been a talker. Now though I find myself tongue twisted when I am chatting with a really hot girl. Like yesterday I was talking to this girl from North Dakota, she is bi although is in an open relationship with other amazingly hot girl. So I decided to call her up and talk to her on the phone. I was constantly tongue-tied, even though she spoke sexy to me, I was constantly tongue-tied, flustered and blushed a lot.
Of course the more tongue-tied and flustered I got, the more it was turning her on. I think it’s mainly because now that I am open about my bisexuality and the fact that I want it to happen, I have to get more comfortable with it. After about 30 minutes on the phone with her, we were chatting like old friends. Talking about what we like and don’t like in bed, and it turned out that if she lived closer I think we would eventually hook up. Of course not now, that I’m all icky and stuff, but when I was feeling better. I have tried to be very open in my blog, but when I chat on Facebook I still get tongue-tied and say stupid things.
I’m sure people out there think I’m stuck up, but really, and this might seem far fetched, I’m pretty shy. I guess I can talk a good game, but when it comes down to it, I’m as insecure with myself as any other girl. The fear of rejection, especially as I venture out into the world of lesbianism scares the hell out of me. I know it shouldn’t and lord knows I have rejected my fair share of guys. I don’t know, It’s like if I get rejected right out of the gate I am never going to find a girl who I can feel special with.
Ahhhhh why can’t I be in college, where I can be myself and not this closet hiding fool who is afraid to open herself up to meet people. I hope I will be able to come out of my shell when I get to college, or there will be no hope for me. See this is what happens when you are delirious with flu fighting drugs.
Thanks for listening to this whining sickly girl,
Cassie XXXoooXXX
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