Last night Nightrider and I were curled up on the couch and were searching for a movie on Netflix on Demand. I am pretty much obsessed with horror movies and Nightrider accepts it but prefers something with a story line rather then the gore i usually pick out, so i started my search in the Newly Released Thrillers section hoping to appease both of us. I was scrolling over titles looking for something that didnt look completely ridiuculous and saw Brittany Murphy’s and Thora Birch’s names pop up when scrolling over Deadline. I remembered last week reading about how this straight to dvd release (I’m sure this has something to do with the lesbian innuendo of the movie, but leave that for a different post) had quite a bit of controversy due to the movie poster and dvd cover depicting Brittany Murphy’s character dead in a bathtub, and the fact that she recently passed away from cardiac arrest on her bathroom floor. Too much too soon, i agree full heartedly. Still my morbid curiosity decided this would be the movie we would watch. Now I do admit out of the many deaths in 2009, aside from Michael Jackson’s, the passing of Brittany was the most devestating for me, seeing as I grew up with her as Molly on the second season of The Torkelson’s (if anyone remembers this show besides me you get 1,000 points) and ofcourse as Ty in Clueless not too mention her parts in Girl Interrupted, Don’t Say A Word, Uptown Girls and ofcourse my all time favorite Drop Dead Gorgeous (if you haven’t seen this movie I demand you netflix it immediately!) I agreed with many people who were attributing her death to possibly drug usage and an obvious battle with body image but didn’t want to chime in on it out of respect but after watching Deadline last night and seeing her in this last movie released before her death its time i speak up about this.
Brittany Murphy appeared in Deadline at her all time thinnest, I want to say definitly somewhere under 90lbs. I commented on how baggy all of the clothes were that she was wearing in the movie (to the point that she looked sloppy) and how it must have been too cover up how skinny she was. Nightrider then pointed out to me that the clothing she was wearing was probably a size 0 (btw 0 is not a size) and she was just that horribly thin. I’m thinking she was right. We have all been watching Brittany get thinner and thinner (i want to call her the amazing shrinking woman) as her career had progressed but this was the first time it was truly horrifying to me. After watching this and thinking alot about her death, as well as issues with body image (im refraining from using the medical term for this problem as its not proven and this is just my opinion) and began researching her this morning.
Alot of people mentioned things about her being the fat girl in Clueless and that is where the topic of this blog really comes from. I never percieved Ty’s character as fat, or chubby or anything out of the ordinary. Too me she was the goofy one, the one who only lacked a little in common sense and financial stability, and the one with the endearing cute giggle. Now I know that its all about perception but I have to wonder did i percieve her as normal and not at all fat because she was around the same size I was when Clueless was originally released? As a fat girl do I see more in people then just their weight? Hell yes and thats something that makes me proud to be the size and the person I am.
I remember always being one of the larger girls in school…ALWAYS. Its interesting now because I from time to time viewed myself as chubby, plump, curvacious or what have you but never anything unworthy or something that needed to be changed. Its actually really interesting that I thought myself heavy at all considering I look back at myself at my 8th grade winter formal, curvacious and busty and a perfect hourglass with a tiny waist in a beautiful red strapless satin dress that none of the other girls in my class could have pulled off. This was the fat girl in school? No Way!
So this is where my journey and Brittany Murphy’s tie together, we were both on a small scale larger then our peers (ofcourse mine were just in public school in Boise, Idaho and hers were on redcarpets at movie premiers) we were both different then what society was wanting us to be but as I grew into the adult I am now I have found acceptance and happiness with my body while she starved hers. I wonder how many other girls may have possibly idolized her and let her perception of herself make them follow her lead and strive to be thin, thinner, thinnest, and now many out there were lucky enough to have the same perception as me, that big, bigger, biggest can be beautiful and that we shouldn’t try to change who we are or how we look to fit the mold. I guess thats why I feel a need to be part of the Fat Acceptance movement, not for myself as I am and for the most part have always been accepting of myself, and the way I look, but for others our there whose perception may be scewed and could potentionally lead to unhealthy obsession and self hate.
To Brittany I have to say I’m sorry that there wasn’t someone there to help give you a better perception but I hope that in your passing it will open up the conversation and help others in the future. Its time we all practive not just fat acceptance but body acceptance and self love in general. You will be missed.
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